Children are like Mylar sails...noisy, fragile, cumbersome, and completely beautiful all at once. I honestly don't know what to say right now. I've so enraptured in thought for the whole day that its been startling and somewhat disappointing to hear what does come out of my mouth when I need to say something.

I went to the most amazing concert last night. I'd never ever say it to anyone's face, namely not a certain friend of mine, but it totally kicked the proverbial crap out of Sloan. Sure, I idolize the band, but Buck 65 just totally left me speechless, which given the concept is certainly a sick bit of irony. It seems like a cheap out, but I honestly don't know what to say. If I had to say anything about him, I would say, use your goddamn mind and download it yourself, because there are starving minds out there, and you're one of them if you haven't heard the stuff that comes out of that man's mouth.

The rest of the things I've been thinking about can be summed up in a poem that I wrote while manning the tiller on the Tanzer 26 (le boat) this afternoon. Tricky business writing and steering, whot, so it's a little rough.

I cut my finger on a razorblade this morning
Fumbling around in my medicine cabinet
Much as I sometimes fumble for words
Dull and uselessly bouncing around in my teeth

I bled and I bled and my blood bled some more
Dripping into the sink, oxygenated and useless
Like when some words leave my mouth
Wasted, and never to be used again

I have a lot of blood like I have a lot of words
But some wounds are seldom fatal
And some wounds are just constant and irritating

I bleed and I bleed and I bleed
I write and I write and I write
But my wound won't leave a scar
My writing won't leave a mark

The superficial wound does sting though occasionally
As wounds are apt to do when you pay close attention
The writing does stick when endeavored upon
Like shreds of toilet paper stuck to a cut finger

It is a pain to wash away

I think I really realized today what I want with my writing, and how fucking far I have to go. I also realized that I don't know if I know how to try. By this I mean...I've never had to try at anything before, but things that you really try hard at are supposed to be awesome right? So how does one TRY? It seems so silly, but it isn't. Another thing I realized is that I'm still pretty self centered, and I don't know how to be less like that. I try and I try but it just sort of comes back and I can't keep it away. It's hard to do. One very good thing I realized today though, is that I really do worry about my appearance too much, and that perhaps I'm not as bad looking as I think I am sometimes, and that maybe in my own eyes I'm a fox again. Woo hoo, because that's all that matters. LOL. It does tie into not being selfish though, because I think that the less concerned you are with yourself, whether negative or positive aspects, the less selfish you'll be. eg: "You're fine- so focus on other things." Other things: I need to articulate better. I need to enhance my vocabulary. In short, just be who I want to see ten years down the road I suppose. Gotta start somewhere. This is all quite a lot to be on the mind after the influence of one concert. Maybe I should go to more.

Also...project Harlem has been broaching my mind again as of late, and I wonder if this would be considered an immature concept yet...Because I still want to do it. It would be easier to do now than it would have been in the past, that's for sure. I still have the writeup somewhere too.

Feeding Time at The Zoo

I fed Elaugh for the first time today. It was sort of disgusting, and she swallowed a woodshaving too, but at the same time, obscenely hard to tear my eyes away from. As a sidenote, it was nice to see that her teeth are really tiny. Bite me all you want now, you psychotic snake, I'm not afraid. Ok, she's not psychotic, she's actually disturbingly tame. She'd climb up your pants if you held still in a park long enough, because she and those other domesticated snakes know the truth now. We're central heating, put on earth for their convenience. Watching her unhinge her jaw and then snap it back afterwards became my favorite part of the whole procession though, because you could hear the little *snick* when she did it, and it made me shudder.

And seeing as Zoo infers more than one animal...I have the cats now, for ten days. Pheonix tried to jump into the aquarium for a closer look when I was feeding Elaugh, only to do a rapid backpedal when Elaugh hissed at her and she realized the full gravity of the four and a half foot death worm before her paws. Mice are not only for snakes apparently, and snakes don't like cats. And cats are terrified of big orange death worms.


  ¶ 12:46 AM