"Man...I forget ...what came first, the bad idea or me fallin' for it..."
The zenith of meltdown hit me yesterday. My parents anniversary party went really well, but I was too distracted to really have that good of a time, as I should have been. Get this: My parents have been married for 25 years. That's pretty incredible, and the gravity of that really hit me yesterday as I discovered the true nature of my own "relationship." Which is that it is discardable, and that I have been misled. I am a discardable person, and nothing I could possibly put into this relationship or have offered, is good enough.I sit, I mull, I wait. I deserve better than this.
I wish I had an evil twin
It is so hard to get alone time, still. If I were planning any illegal activities, I'd run into someone I knew in this building, and they'd want to turn it into a social event. Hey, I'll go get my friends and some hot dogs. Sound good? Wait here, I'll be right back.
Seriously...I've been fine with people lately. I'm rather shocked at my returned enthusiasm still, because I was completely infested with small talk disease last week. I've never worked service before these jobs, not something that was this conversationally demanding (and yet completely brain-damaging)anyways. So now, I have to be peppy, energetic, sell sell sell! I hate that at the Geek Palace we have to push the store plans for electronics or furniture. Even paper shredders. Because I've at least figured out how to judge when you have a patient customer or an impatient druggy--now something that has happened at each store- same person too.
No dude. I'm not going to exchange a xerox drum that is six years old. You try this shit all the time at the other store. Remember me?
I've really established in the course of the week too who the people I want to continue to be friends with in the building are too. The rest I've just been more cursory towards. Those who like to show up at my door CONSTANTLY looking to borrow something- cursory. The angels that have offered to let me borrow their vacuum...friendly as hell.
Today, on a more random tangent, the super's best friend told me that he was going to make me a coffee table out of brushed welded steel. One can only squeal like a little girl when hearing stuff like this, so of course, that's what I did. He's such a nice guy. I may now be able to use my davy's locker
as an entertainment stand now.
Even more random, Beatrix tried to commit suicide again today, but on a brighter note, she must not have landed on our already shady carpet on her back, because she got to run a marathon of silvery snail trail curliques before drying up enough that she just sealed herself into her shell. As always, the Heroic Fenton-boy intervened and saved her miserable mollusc life again before she bit the dust, literally. I'm tempted to let her down again so she can just eat all the shit off the floor and save us more grief with the vacuum cleaner.
In other news...my boss has just informed me that he's taking vacation time to go to the states at the same time I'm taking my vacation time to go to the states, so today he charged me with the responsibility of finding a two week temporary replacement. Now step up boys and girls, and vy for this very educational stint of "maiden/boy behind the counter"!* Let me know as soon as possible if you are interested in this thrilling adventure, and I will introduce you to my boss, and train you in the ways of the dull-steakknife self-defense arts of the store clerk.
I should go to bed. I have a large agenda tomorrow.
*Do not get stabbed, burned or any other unintentional injury, as all fees are quietly under the table and workers will not be supported under the Workers Compensation Act.
On desperation, Tim Hortons, and the Apocalypse
So now things have changed again. I fired off an email very very VERY unenthusiastically  to Tim Horton's the other day, at the encouragement of a parent that went something along the lines of, "don't burn yourself out." The location I emailed to, got back to me in the wee hours of the morning today and very simply stated, "when can you start? Please phone us and let us know, because we'll take you, no questions asked." This was after the email from even wee-er hours of the morn that was like, "generally we would turn down a person with three other jobs...but if you don't fuck with us, we won't fuck with you- we'll make it work, in fact. It will be a delightful orgy of team spirit and cream filled pastries!"
Additionally, I performed the miraculous get-out-of-bed-and-open-the-store" trick this morning in fifteen minutes, as I'd slept through my alarm clock for forty-five.
"Man...you look tired. Hey, why are you opening? Isn't it usually the old guy?" He's probably in Mexico and possibly inebriated right now, yes.
As for the cleaning gig...I picked up two tentative clients today. One whom is the best friend of the super and a friend of mine, and the other being the building's most notorious drunk. It should be ok (he's also PH- Mr. Mysterious U of A alumni, or
"the downtown trapper" as I've come to think of him)). I went for a preview of my first job tonight for Mr. N, and he paid me in advance (oh ye of tremendously immense faith, LOL) and showed me around. It's going to be a slice too, because he's a "pre-clean for the cleaner" kind of guy--mind you it's all surface cleaning.
A few bulletins:
Vasyl...you need to call me.
Bento- we need to get moving with the lease-signing...
Hydrass- you da shit. Keep on rockin'.
Fenton- Stop. I can hear you.
All: I miss you!
In summary, the theme of this summer is that everyone else seems to have an intelligent job but me. I'm doing grunt work again, but you know...I wouldn't have it any other way. I imagine if I was actually using my brain for four jobs, perhaps I would burn-out, but really, my feet just get tired. In fact, my brain is in Tahiti as we speak, lounging on white sands in a pickle jar and getting ready for September.
VERY VERY VERY.
I had a busy day today. We went to the copiers with our typo assignment and got that done this morning. The rest of the day until work, I got to relax a little, and then work. Tomorrow is officially the last day of school though, which is awesome (well, until the second one starts up in a bit).
In a different chain of non-chalant events, I landed a cleaning job for this friday. If my client likes the end product, it may be a bi-weekly thing that I clean his penthouse for him at $70 a pop. It's terrible though actually, because I can barely ever schedule in time to clean our place, lol, but I have to keep working.
Otherwise, nothing has really been going on. I'm too busy to be bored, but when I have a chance to stand still, I'm like, "fuck is this depressing. I'm bored, working my ass off, and still have no money."
I'm thinking about applying for other jobs and maybe dumping Staples. The other thing I was thinking, was maybe just advertising myself exclusively for cleaning in our building, because I have a feeling that if I was good (which I am when I put my mind to it), it'd be a good racket. So many people in the building have no time to clean, or are too tired to do it when they do. Some are just old. Some are unhealthy.
I am very well aware I will learn many things that I really didn't need to know more of-AND-importantly, if I were to do this, I will see incredibly disgusting things. I'll be sure to keep you informed of them all in a non-scary anonymous way if I do this.
Anyways...thoughts? Comments? Feasibility?
To the tune of Wonderwall, by Oasis, and contrived of five years ago:
"One day we're drivin' down the street
In the Old part of Montreal
Then we stop,
Billy gets out
His breakfast he lost it all....
I don't believe that anybody,
Spews the way you do,
1. Northwest Territories, Nunavit, or the Yukon?I used to live in the NWT in Ft. Simpson, so I'm going to say that. Because it's a cool place.
2. Nintendo has a popular character called Mario, perhaps you've heard of him. Mario is a plumber. If you could "reinvent" Mario, what would his occupation be? Bonus question: what would his new uniform look like?If I could reinvent Mario, he'd be a mechanical engineer. His new uniform would be fluorescant orange city worker coveralls, which doesn't make sense, but they're a very "ready for anything" sort of ensemble, which would be invaluable to the pursuit of golden coins.
3. Alaska, Alberta, or a new, neutral territory? Hah...that wasn't a well deliberated question at all... Um. As of lately, I've actually been leaning towards Alaska, realizing how much of a country girl I am. And though it's a red state, I get the feeling it doesn't feel like, "YOU NOW LIVE IN AMERICA and are dumb," unless associating with republicans. And in Alaska, if you run into a republican, you can turn around and flee into the bush. Plus, I am realizing I'm really up to the adventure.
4. You have been given the opportunity to live in a wonderful studio apartment in Paris. You have all the wine you could ever want, and are fed the tastiest food in the world. You have all of this given to you for free, paid for by your patron who is basically paying you to paint all day long. The only catch is: you have are only allowed to paint reproductions of Anne Geddies photographs. Do you take the deal? I take that deal, shred it through the paper shredder, get an elephant to masticate it, poop it out, roll it into several cigerettes and give them to sixth graders. For money. No fucking way would I paint Anne Geddes.
5. You meet a talking frog who tells you that he is the reincaration of James Dean. What do you do? Ostensibly, I would find a bag that I could carry him around comfortably in, and introduce him to people as James Dean, and be a guest on Oprah. We'd talk about his sexual escapades of his past life, and the surprising encounters of his current green-skinned one, and then, James Dean would do an imitation of Kermit the Frog, and we'd all laugh, live studio audience- no kiddin'.
There's my niece....she's growing like a little weed! She's already 12 lbs! I couldn't resist posting the picture, because me knowing my brother's facial expressions, you can tell he's grinning like a totally huge idiot in love with his daughter. She's gonna be a heartbreaker like her aunty, fo sho.
So...on the day of the end of the world...what do you hope to be doing?
I hope to be feeling better, and I am feeling much better already. Take me now apocalypse, because everything is a-ok.
My super ended up talking about stalker boy with our beat cop, who upon hearing about it, said that it was not something to take lightly at all, and that he would be coming to my work today to talk to me about it, and give me his card. Complete confidentiality ensured.
Things with le boy and I are fantastic, and school also seems to be going along. I was feeling a little overwhelmed yesterday, but I think we're relatively on-track with where we're supposed to be with our project after today, so I feel a lot better about that. (Notice how I seem to talk about my feelings a lot? Tsk tsk.)
I still am very homesick though. I am going home on the 23rd for the weekend. It's funny, because the homesick thing has sort of snuck up on me. And then, wierd little events have happened around that--> My old best friend (whom, I really DON'T miss ever- which is a long story) called yesterday because she was in the city and wanted to hang out. Predictably, she just shrugged me off today though, as usual. But, it's one little thing, compounded with me running into the last bus driver I had in high school today on the LRT. It was funny, because he gave me this huge sort of awkwardly unreciprocated hug, and I got the feeling that he must be missing the old berg too...hugging every 'Laker' that he runs across perhaps. I'm not even that bad. But I do miss fresh air, and dirt and grass and gravel and seeing the stars at night, and hearing the lake birds in the morning. The third wierd little event, was that I ran into an old classmate of mine on Whyte last night-- no hugging--he's quite at home in Edmonton.
I was more social last night than I've been in a long time, and J-dawg and I went for a long walk and perusal of some buildings we'd heard tell of good graffitti on. Well, I'd heard tell. We were pretty dissappointed though, because apparently the "rad stencil" on the back of Mac's is no longer there. It only took shaking off two homeless guys and one cigerette to find that out in the middle of the night. Oh internet, why must you lie to me? In all seriousness...it probably just got painted over.
I am so incredibly numb right now- on the verge of not caring about anything. But yet there is something to be said about being on the verge, because I still do care, and that's what I can't get over, lol.
Stalker boy, followed me out of the elevator with more incredibly invasive questions onto my floor yesterday, and pretty much almost to my door.
Counteractions to stalker-boy are still in progress, because I'm still freaked out about it. I do however, after one day at work, have a harem of "pseudo-boyfriends". Basically, whomever I'm closest to out of the harem when I run into him again, will be the "chosen one." Maybe it will be touching and we'll kiss. Ha ha.
I'm starting to get seriously disturbed about it though, because I'm wondering if it's stupid to overreact if I am overreacting, or if it's even stupider to just shrug it off. I have had a few startling moments where I've had incredibly morbid thoughts like, "it's people like you that get murdered." But perhaps I think too highly of myself.
One other counteraction is that I am seriously going to go get a personal alarm. I will be like a heavily alarmed car, but hotter and more prone to going off from a gust of wind (yes, I'm that freaked out right now- and I despise that. I still am incredibly upset with myself for all this cowardice that seems to be showing up in my character, no matter how much I resolve to be not afraid of people especially).
In other news.... there is no news. Secrets maybe, but no news. I got to see the Cat lady today, by surprise, which was incredibly nice. And, Mr. Pazzo was alarmingly nice to me again, and provided us with drink on the mosquito-infested patio, even though he was closed. Mr. Pazzo is a mysterious enigma, but we have this odd respect/understanding of each other that I like. I will however be paying him back, because there are too many mooches that take advantage of him.
Evelyn showed up today also....she's out of the hospital, which is a relief, and she seems pretty peppy, although I can't help but think she's five times more nervous than she was before. If you ever hear people say, "it's my nerves dear...they're terrible" and scoff (because usually I scoff), Evelyn is the only person you will ever meet that will say that, and you won't scoff. Because she's incredibly anxious, all the time. I don't know how she gets that way at all....it's like her generation though, that hasn't been taught how to relax. No cult of lazy-shit-work-ethic generation there, I guess. That's just us.
Speaking of which...I finished reading JPod. MINDFUCKING. That's all I have to say about that.
Once upon a passed out rock star...
Yesterday was weird. I've learned a harsh few lessons in life in the last few days. Firstly....I am not hardcore drinker girl, and I honestly can say that after last night, I am going to be a social drinker (a glass of wine or two) from here on out, and nothin' else. I'm tired of this cyclically getting trashed thing, and my body hates me for it when I do it.
Also, I've realized (again, via knocks) that it is a bit of a trap to start hanging out with the locals in the building in my offtime. I do really enjoy the company of a lot of people in our building, and like hanging out with them on occasion, but when it comes to drinking....they outclass me, and it's a whole other scary level of vice city that I don't want anything to do with, if that makes sense. I don't want to hang out with people that make a life long pursuit of this, because I sure as hell don't want to, or want others to think that of me. The other thing is...it is way too distracting from my own life to be constantly going over to "so and so's" for a coffee, a beer, whatever-- and it happens too much lately.
Last night, picture if you will, three of us impoverished louts of my building, being invited for free boozing and movies on a big screen tv in a VERY high end condo on 109th that only had one opening window and a quarter centimeter of dust over everything. But also picture me driving this guy (our host) home from our apartment's restaurant, because he was so incredibly drunk, with the two aqquaintances in the back, with a 200 lb rotteweiler in tow (a big sucky gentle rotteweiler named Benny). Next, picture our host- lonely, irresponsible, stupid and trusting, too much money, and desperate for a fuck. It was distinctly sketchy (basically one of many party pads of this guy). I was incredibly reluctant to go, but had I not gone, my female aquaintance would have been alone with two men, albeit one of them being extremely trustworthy and well...built.
Picture now, (as this starts looking like a bad movie) the host chasing around my friend all night copping a feel as everyone gets progressively drunker. I'm bored, extremely uncomfortable, have a cold, and the movie of choice was Super Troopers, so I end up playing with Benny and analyzing bad art deco that he spent way too much money on. But yet, I did drink, despite it all. I don't think though that it was so much how much, but what (Tequila, rum, and later, white wine) we were drinking.
In the end, I had a fucking lame time, and I did not sober up until about 1 pm today (read: 90% through my typography class). I really can't stand drinking anymore. I still love wine and always will, but I'm incredibly tired of overdoing it. So, I'm done. At the same time though, it is just me. I don't give a shit if other people do it, especially if they're having fun, and that'll never change...but it's really starting to gross me out when I do it.
In other different news....our magazine project in Typo, is this beautiful totally inspired thing that I came up with. The more we work on it, the more it falls together magically and awesomely. It's going to be amazing. Everytime I sit down to work on it, I think to myself that if I don't get this computer program, I very well might ...be unfulfilled. It's that fucking fun. And the magazine idea itself....it would need a lot of tweaking and modifications I would make if I were sans partner for the project...but it's pretty feasible for a small scale production idea. I really like the content. My partner for the project is really rad though too... We're very much on the same level of thinking, but she's an organizational nazi and much more practical than I am, so she keeps me in line too, lol. Plus, she's just fun to talk to.
Today, tour buses were parked in front of the Rose and Crown Pub....and lo and behold, I got to see Rob Zombie, from a distance. My super actually talked to the guy, but was like, "Oh, I don't know who Rob Zombie is--durrr..." I'm not a huge fan myself, either, but...le boy is, so...I might be in the bad books. He's already sort of choked at how many of his favorite bands come here. Of course, the feasible thing would be to thus move here and live with the girlthing...but...it's a tough sell, lol.
Fuck...I just finished talking to my parents, and man am I all of a sudden homesick. City life has been amazingly repulsive to me lately. I'm getting tired of seeing people treat people like shit, and people live like shit, and feeling so....harried and hectic.