Jealous Guy- John Lennon It's probably a good thing that these little moments of self pity become fewer and far between. It seems that these little verbal idiosyncrises are directly attributable to hormones sometimes, and thus making me embarrassed, but at the same time, reluctant to delete them, because they seem like purer forms of expression because of the fact, despite the fact that they translate to a lotta garbage most of the time- occasionally there are gems though, lol.

I really wanted to talk about the term Godzilla though. I have decided that my aunt has the gift of duality in her character, and when I say duality, I mean that she is Grace Kelly with the temperment of Godzilla (read: breathing fire and toppling anything in it's path, leaving a wake of complete destruction and horrified people). As far as Grace Kelly goes though, she is a very attractive woman (mostly owing to the fact that she's never had kids), and she is one of the classiest, dignified and graceful people I can say I'm related to- but when her wrath is invoked, it is best to run for cover. She does have a few things going for her that the Harlot does not though. Firstly- I'm not afraid to stand up for myself (eg: yell right back at her), and secondly- she is willing to admit when she's made a mistake, and she will apologise. In the manner of our dynamic, I would say that she's more my sister than my biological aunt. We have the same issues, though they are more ironic for her than me. This doesn't prevent me from saying that I don't want to be like her when I'm older though. Maybe I want some of her qualities to rub off on me, but there are some that I'm terrified of catching inadvertantly by having her as the only other real female role model around me constantly. Thankfully, my brother and mr. Smith have vowed to keep me in check should I start trodding on the fragile infrastructures of humanity. (that doesn't really make sense, does it, but it does sound poetic...so I'll leave the phrase, all arty and unthought out.)

On to other things than my dsyfunctional growing as a person...

Sailing was amazing yesterday. The wind we had yesterday was the wind that we should have had for the whole summer, even if the temperature was not so agreeable. I maintained the helm for the entirety of the trip too, which was nice. Cold, but in GG Kate's sweater and a watchman cap, I was able to keep warm, though my vision consisted of a slit between sweater and cap. The wind was sporadically between 8-10 knots, which isn't a hell of a lot, but still enough to bring on a tinge of exhilaration as well as rosy cheeks under the fall light. It was really a beautiful day, the boat was well tuned, and the - I just can't explain an amazing sailing day anymore. I'm starting to realize though that what makes a good sailing day great, is not actually the sailing; it's the amount that you release yourself fully into the process, the amount that you are able to leave everything behind when you're out on the water just reveling in you being there, and nature surrounding you- directing you- You are at the whimsy of all elements.

Yes, this was an intentional pun in the naming of Whimsy, though the boat that we sail now is but the successor of the boat that my grandfather built entirely by hand. It still slays me that he sold that boat for the Tanzer 26, but as I understand it, the buyer offered a ridiculously high price for it, and when you have four daughters in their forties that are financially dependent on you, it's hard to turn down that kind of thing.
  ¶ 12:05 PM