Sailing half and half : a tricky balancing act involving a sternward wind. I'd had my own amusing predictions of how the coffee with the Russian would go, but god knows I didn't seriously anticipate any of these predictions to come true:

1. We're driving along, and after he yells "if I can't have you, no one can!" he swerves into oncoming traffic (Read: Cameron Diaz in Vanilla Sky). He dies instantly and I become a paraplegic and use my insurance money to become a recluse in the moors of Ireland.

2. He tells me that he's going to become a Shaolin (sp?) monk, and I never see him again.

3. He's stoned, and says all the brave things he wanted to say to me six months ago on the phone, but couldn't gather up the gumption for.

4. Apologises, says I'm right on all counts, it just took him a while. He declares he's still just as much in love with me as he ever was, and that he doesn't care if I have a boyfriend, he wants a shot. He wants me back. Things go back to normal: I can't deal with nutcase conspiracy theorist/egotist/pothead, and I end up killing him with a shotgun.

5.Apologises, says I'm right on all counts, it just took him a while. He declares he's still just as much in love with me as he ever was, and that he doesn't care if I have a boyfriend, he wants a shot. He wants me back. I refuse and play the self-depreciation game: "Oh, Russian, I don't want to be the girl that destroys you. You can't handle me, and I think you know it. You need someone who's not a callous bitch to your over-sensitive needs."

6. His parents kill me with a shotgun upon finding out I broke their baby's heart. Again. Mashed it. They feed my remains to their cattle and a beef ban is called. Alberta loses $5 million dollars revenue in the beef industry, and Klein saves the day. Klein is re-elected, and it's a darn good thing I'm dead so I don't have to witness it.

7. Makes a big scene and gets on his knees begging for me back, wants to do "blood brothers" ceremony with big fucking katano. Blade slips, and I am decapitated. My head is kept on a pike in his closet.


Truthfully...he did tell me he still loved me, and that he wanted me back. I refused, and I was self-depreciating, but not in the genuine way. In the "oh man...please stop and give up" way. Interestingly enough, though I have no desire to get back together with the Russian ever again, I did thank him for treating me so well when we were together, and I really realised that he treated me like gold, despite the fact that I was a pain in the ass and wrecked his life. All this doesn't sit well with me. What doesn't sit well with me either, is that he asked me about mr. pink, ("as a friend, not an ex") and I ended up gushing out all my little problems to the guy. And he listened to me, despite everything, even though I know and he knows that we'll never get back together, no matter how much he wants it. I'm just so wrong for him.

Interestingly enough, when the Russian looks at me, I feel like the most attractive person in the world. I don't think it's the same with Mr. Pink. Can you really have just a purely mental attraction to someone, and force yourself to go through the physical motions? Mr. Pink and I never just "go through the motions" of course, but sometimes there are inexplicable things in his facial expressions that I can't read at all.   ¶ 10:16 AM