Emergency!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
  I knocked your book down the stairs, because you engrage me and I think I may even dislike you. Intently.
First of all, let me start off by saying:

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPID WENCH YOU?!?!?!?!

Better.

Yesterday, I ran into my cousin at the bus stop. He says he's doing a lot better since he got shot earlier this year (another hardy resident of Mill Woods), other than the occasional ebbing pain, and being afraid to go out alone at night. As he tells it, the shooting resulted from a mistaken identity. The guy that shot him, had a brother who was killed by a guy named D also, and lived right around the corner from my cousin. Anyways, D and his girlfriend are expecting a child in the new year, which is pretty cool. He's working for his dad, and this is also really good, because his dad is an amazing person. He's getting Victim's services, and is going to buy a house in Kelowna with that and the money he's been saving up, for him and his upcoming family. Sounds great and wonderful for a thug turn around story, right?

I got home and shared the news with Godzilla and Grandma, and got a mixed reaction. Some relief from Grandma, but some good old self-righteous Wrath from Godzilla:

"well then, the world is going to hell now. He's happy? He doesn't deserve to be happy! HE'S getting Victim Services? That is SO wrong! He's having yet another child that his mother won't be able to see? God, D is such a crook! Where does he get off? What a load of shit, none of that could possibly be true! Nyah nyah nyand on, and on, and on, and on and on...."

I watched her scatter skyscrapers with broad swings of her thick scaly arms, and watched in disgust as she picked up a small silver Ford Bronco, delicately opening the truck with two pink laquered nails before shaking the contents into her raw moist toothy mouth.

She makes me so fucking mad. And today, the situation of anger just escalated. I came home from school, anticipating - no, creaming my pants- at the prospect of sleeping for two hours before I started my english essay. Godzilla woke me up and said, "it's your mother," in what I later realized was an extremely smug and pleased tone, as she passed me the cordless. My mom whispered to me over the phone,

"do you have some time? Meet me outside, I'm parked up the block away from the house." Part of me was amused at the spy-esque quality of this rendezvous, but the other part realized that there'd been another fight or falling out. The Blue Fairy vs. Godzeira! Godzeira!

We decided to go for supper at Mikado's, as she had apparently had a world class bad day, and needed someone to talk to (aside: I'm old enough now that my mother comes to me to listen to her, is that cool or what?) because dad is gone. She kept telling me how strong a character I was, and how patient and again, strong and "strengthy" and I was a little befuddled, because when she was gushing this all out to me, she still hadn't told me what had happened. But first, an update.

My Great Uncle died last night, the younger (only remaining) brother of my grandfather (who passed away when I was thirteen). My mom had to phone my dad in T-dot to tell him at 1:30 in the morning (his side of the family/Godzeira's side of the family). Also, my grandmother (the one I reside with) is starting to have really bad pains in her mouth again, comparable to the first time she had pains in her mouth that indicated some cancer. My mother also had to tell my dad that last night (also, his mother). Also, she just found out that one of her best friends is dying from cancer, having an indeterminate amount of time to live. Anyways, the gist is, my mom has a lot on her plate- she already tries to take care of everyone, and now she's got all this stuff to deal with to. She makes mud into rainbows, it is true, but I worry about her stress levels sometimes.

So basically what happened today, is that she -thinking of all the impending or just-past doom, comes over to my grandma's this morning to make sure someone is around in case my G reacts to her new medication in an unsavory way. Godzilla comes home, and says, "I have an a huge problem I need your help with, absolutely absolutely important, do or die...." in her usual drama-queen-aged-sixteen sort of way, but my mother is at the point where she thinks it must be serious.
Mom: Oh no, what?
Godzilla: It's driving me crazy, and I can't cope with it at all...
Mom: (thinking Godzilla on edge of mental breakdown) Ok, just tell me, what's wrong?
Godzilla: Your daughter! She drives me crazy! She's so awful, she is constantly leaving the closet door open, and leaving the toilet seat up! I just cannot deal with it L. Her room is a mess! I just CANNOT take it anymore!

~An awkward silence occurs. Perhaps a small insect buzzes by.~

Mom: Oh.
Godzilla: So, what are you going to do about it? I demand she get flogged for her insubordinate acts immediately!
Mom: Well, I'll talk to her about it I suppose. You think my daughter's room is messy? When does she have time to clean her room ? She's been working her ass off for the last week! She's sick! She's shitting blood! I was in her room today, and it wasn't even bad. What the hell is wrong with you?
Godzilla: I suppose she was raised this way, but I really can't stand it. Yuck, we always knew that your side of the family were just slovenly cavemen.
Mom: (flames shoot out nose) She was raised to be neat, and tidy. She is really busy Godzilla, I'm sure it's just an oversight. You're a freak. When you are old and decrepit with your lack of retirement fund or pension, due to never holding a real job, we're not takin' you in.

She told me all this over dinner and in the truck, and I was absolutely appalled. Why my aunt had to dump this on my undeserving mother. Why she didn't just tell me herself? As my dad later put it, she still regards me as a child (Godzilla). He also was upset that Godzilla upset my mother further than she already is, and put on the DaNeiro for me.

Me: Ahhh dad! AHH! She's just such a freaking witch!
Dad: You know what, tell her if she's really got that big of a problem, she can deal with me. Because I am the DaNeiro in this family, and if she upsets any of you, she has to deal with me after. I'll put her right. Hey, you really got me hooked on Futurama by the way, I watch it every night here- it's awesome!
Me: You should watch Home Movies sometime. It is equally as rad, if not moreso.

It is a well known fact that Godzilla is terrified of Robert DaNeiro. Because DaNeiro has always had his shit together, and is the toughest, fairest coolest guy in the land, all while still being able to kick your ass on the chessboard or the playground anytime. Best be representin' biatch.
He is the omnipotent duke, the Godfather, and really, the only one with any good traits, like common sense, diplomacy, and a respect for others on this side of the family other than my grandmother.

I feel better. I told my dad that I would talk to Godzilla about her grievous wrong tonight, but I'm wondering if the silent treatment wouldn't be just so much better, because I honestly don't want to deal with a fight right now, as much as I love the prospect of a screaming match. That, or I'll make solid with the idea of shaking the toaster into her bedsheets, rather than the garbage can I have to do so in after every single use. Because those crumbs, they're the devil, especially if they're in your bed. She'd go crazy if she didn't incinerate herself with rage first- or kill herself by grabbing the biggest thing in the room (herself) and hurling it at a wall. I'm such a cow...







 
Comments:
teeheehee. gotta love how you tell things. Still wrapping my brain around a year. And yeah..that DeNiro thing was getting to me too. Maybe cuz I'm a fan. Like a big one.

Anyways...I'd shake the toaster in her bed. And throw some of snakey's leftover dinner in there too.

"look a mouse!"

not so funny when you don't know the story behind quote. will explain later.
 
teeheehee. gotta love how you tell things. Still wrapping my brain around a year. And yeah..that DeNiro thing was getting to me too. Maybe cuz I'm a fan. Like a big one.

Anyways...I'd shake the toaster in her bed. And throw some of snakey's leftover dinner in there too.

"look a mouse!"

not so funny when you don't know the story behind quote. will explain later.

sejwick
http://www.livejournal.com/~mc_nasteh
 
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