My garbage dump of irrational fears In the throes of a most mysterious and awful depression last night that actually reduced me to curling up into the most unproductive ball of cold ever in my bed, I heard the front door open and my mother stepped into the foyer and called for me. I didn't answer, too flabbergasted by the godsend, so she came up to my room and found me in all my patheticness, giving me a big hug and dumping a whole loaf of pagnotti onto my bed, along with my fixed and favorite pillowquilt and two bottles of pesto. My eyes were swollen, and she took this time to tell me that I need to go for an appointment to get all this crap figured out because,

"You can't go for a whole month being fine, and then have two days where you're such a time bomb like this- where you feel like you can't even be here."

I assured her that it was only social suicide that I'd ever considered, not physical. That would be a waste. She told me again what I already know, that my hormones are undeniably fucked up. I am broken- sky high libido, and two day life sucking depressions are not the things to mix.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I hate feeling like a psych patient for these times that are particularly bad. I hate the reaction it invokes in me, but mostly I hate the evocation of the whatever from other people. And I hate that I say stupid things on here constantly, despite the fact that usually it helps to lessen my load considerably. This is my garbage dump of irrationality.

I really don't like either that I've learned that I have to tell my friends or boyfriends "how to deal with me at the end of the month." What it amounts to is essentially "ignore the shit out of me. Run away screaming if you can- leave me to wallow in my misery."

But enough is enough.

An observation: Fat people with tiny feet are hilarious. Also, people who inadvertantly bob their heads like pigeons when they walk are hilarious. Combine the two, and you have an observer looking away desperately to contain her laughter. What is bobbing your head an indication of as you walk? Humans are descendant from birds, or that this particular person is possessor to a brain the size of a peanut? But seriously now, is this a physical ailment, or the result of introducing pigeon genes to the human gene pool?


  ¶ 11:16 AM