Old Habits Die. Hard. I'm on a roll. I wish I was rolling on a bike to Mexico....but sadly this is not the case. Rather, I have pissed all over any commitments I once had this weekend for the sake of - I'm not quite sure. Something good and worthwhile hopefully. No yacht club christmas party for me- which actually, I'm only minorly upset about, because I'm missing the most beautiful food of all time. Brie and salsa? Smoked salmon? Sushi? Caviar? Havarti and and the cum of a royal melted on a cracker? Fine wines? Hopefully my mother's perpetually condiment filled fridge makes amends for this somehow. I could blend up some hotdogs and put them on soda crackers I suppose. Or eat dog food, which is surprisingly correlative to "ze finest pate on thiz side of France."

Also, Fenton's birthday is this weekend, and while earlier in the week, in the fog of grouch mode, I was not that upset about missing it, I now sort of am, though all things have been amended. I just hope Mr. Smith keeps him out of trouble, lol.

Additionally, I voiced a desire to write a spoof of a certain le papier member tonight, and didn't realize until later that this meant, I have to have copy. Tonight. I can't do this on the weekend, no internet, so...it's a gonna be a long night. Bah. And I was hoping to write a letter too for the editorials. I think it's feasibly possible, but I'm going to have to give Berry some creative license if anything needs to be changed, because I won't be able to necessarily do them. We'll see. It feels sort of nice to be jumping off the couch though after going so long without contributing. I feel like people should be bursting into song about it, but this could be my own arrogance.

At first I considered spoofing Fenton, but decided that it would be a conflict of interest. Not because I wouldn't have done an awesome job of it, but because, well, it's creepy to do something like that to your friends.

For some reason also today, I was having lunch with someone and the mouth opened up and decided to talk about sex. I haven't talked like that in a long time- it was arrogant and cocky, and undeniably true (the part about it being easy for me to find fuckbuddies, as well as my amazing talent) but I realized later why I hadn't talked about it before. It is rather whore-ish. Yay for me.

One thing I wanted to touch on for general knowlege:
The Art of Finding A Fuckbuddy With Ease

1. The trick is to wonder about people that just walk up to you for no reason and start talking. Or, people that do things to deliberately warrant attention in your presence. For example- the book slut came outside and started a sighing "woe is me" act. Redflag this. Generally, people who seem desperate for attention, especially regarding their appearance and physical mannerisms. Warning- some people just like to dress slutty- it doesn't mean they're forthcoming.

2. If you are not picky, there is always a standoff loser out there somewhere itching for a lay. They laugh at everything you say, and generally think you are the sexiest savior out there. Note- Excellent ego booster. Side effect- some of these people are NUTCAKES. You may have to make some humiliating time sacrifices involving a shitty rendition of "Thriller" on piano, a plastic unicorn collection, or watch him and his friends play DnD. Alternatively- stoners are easy. Also- Good listeners always get laid, but to this: be one with the sieve, because a lot of what you force yourself to listen to for sex is hideously annoying, irrational, sort of scary, and/or just incredibly retarded. Sympathy pays off, even if it isn't genuine all the time.

3. There are some places I won't go here. But sometimes you will run into people who are so evenly matched with you that you start challenging each other constantly, daring each other to see how far the other will go. Very volatile, and just plain hott. I love it.

Now that y'all think I'm a total whore, we'll just leave it at that. I'd like to mention for graceful posterity that all this stuff is not necessarily practised. Nor would I ever (well...) do it to anyone. Again. The thing is that I once had a semi-notorious past in this respect, but I am 100% resigned not to ever pull any of this stuff again. I don't think I need to point out the awfulness of masterful manipulation.

Anyone commenting about virgins or the lackthereof in my box will be shot.

o_O

(you know who you are)
  ¶ 5:14 PM