Emergency!
Thursday, December 02, 2004
  Dr. Phil, I hate you.
I just finished writing my hardest final exam (yesterday). Only three more to go!
It was so fucking hard though. I don't think I failed it, but I'm not entirely convinced that I did stellar on it either. And wouldn't you know it but I did not recall a single memorized quote at all either, which doesn't bode horribly well for me.

My computer is being satanic. I'm utterly convinced that my hard drive is melting slowly or something. Or that it has a birth defect that is being problematic with maturation. I can't get scan disk to work, no matter what tinkering I do, which is what I decided to try after my defrag didn't work either. Fucking thing. Maybe I should burn it. Another thing that's been wonky, is that my D- drive has some sort of spiritual posession. It doesn't like to read when I'm trying to burn cd's.

Watching Dr. Phil yesterday. What a quack. First of all- this kid was fucked up because of some physical abuse from his step-father, and was on a downward spiral. And this is awful, there is no denying that. But, the kid did some pretty appalling stuff. I won't bore you with the details, but what ended up happening is that Phil blamed the mother entirely. He tore a strip off of her on national tv, and proceeded to apologise and spray some hippy-wash about how he would have taken back everything that has happened to the boy "if I could." His mother took the full brunt of the blame for everything that kid had done wrong, in Dr. Phil's eyes. It made me really angry, because sure, sometimes parents are appallingly bad, and sure, she'd done some bad shit, like staying with an abusive husband for three years that traumatized her son. But she's just as damaged as he is, and she didn't do any of the shit he did.

He lashed out. He was violent, and greedy for things to fill a void with, and he tried to fill that void with any means possible with little consequential thought to the fates of others. But, obviously "she was the most in the wrong." I felt so bad for her, Dr. Phil just treated her like she was shit with legs- it was in the way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her, it was really abrasive. I mean, if she was really that horrible of a person, she would have kicked her son out. Disowned him or something. She wouldn't be constantly bailing him out of jail, much less be willing to bare her problems on TV to get her son some help.

The other thing that didn't irritate me so much, but made me extremely curious, was the next guest he had as a follow-up feature. The parents of a homicidal (aren't they all?) fifteen year old girl were guests to the show, and telling them about the progress with their daughter who had been spent to a "special school" (read: an institution for crazies!). Apparently this kid had threatened to kill her mother several times, and had actually taken several measures to do so on different occasions. Chemicals in drinks, stuff on the stairs, and had even fashioned several crude weapons with which she desired to kill her mother or other people with. She had lists and lists of people she wanted to kill, in her family, at school, and pets in the neighborhood and stuff. It was the most bizarre thing. She'd actually been caught hiding behind the shed by her mom, and just outright said, "I was going to hit you on the back of the head with this [a bent in-half thirty inch crowbar] and watch you die, and then call 911." Just out of the blue like that. Like, in the tone of voice any other kid would have been saying, "I'm playing hide and seek."

Now, to the parents. They both loved her a lot- this psychological issue completely mystified them, and had appeared when she was about eleven or twelve (maybe, not sure). They didn't know why she was like that, never treated her badly, or anything. One detail worth mentioning is that the mother was actually a step mom, and that they attribute this disorder that the girl has to not recieving enough physical or mental affection/attention between the ages of four months to two years - the time the birth mother would have had with her.

One horrible thing: They had to build a cell for her. There's footage of it and everything, it's like five feet by nine and a half feet, with a chime on the door ("Pop- Goes the Weasel" -I'd kill some people too) and a lock. Now, tell me that's not breeding someone to be a little bit of a serial killer. Gacy got locked up in a closet by his mom constantly (don't quote me on that).

The follow-up after about three months or so in the institution was not surprising. She hadn't changed. This just kills me. If she was in a loving environment (cell excluded, they testified that it was so hard to go through this because it was so confusing- "we've never done anything but love her. Bringing her to ... was the hardest thing we've ever had to do in our lives.") beforehand, and it was ineffectual.... But also, three months is too early to make a change in much of anything for anyone in regards to this. I mean, it'll take more than that to get over the fact that she was dumped there in the first place. But I'm interested to know how it all ends up for her. I want to know more about this.

I don't even know why this is so fascinating to me. Mental abnormality is so fraught with mystery, and bizarre things. A lot of psychological things are open and shut, and this one has been diagnosed the same way, but there has so got to be more to it then just "lack of affection." Not on the parent's part perhaps, but on the part of the human brain. I mean, even when looking at organized or dis-organized serial killers, there are so many questions there too that I'm dying to find an answer to (pun-tastic). And there is still so much that we don't know about the brain.


 
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