Friday, January 21, 2005
Even Tapeworms have friends
One Hundred Things you may or may not know about me.
(I've been working on this for like months and just finished sometime yesterday. I really encourage doing this, because it teaches you a lot about yourself, especially where your own contradictions lie, plus it would be nice to see everyone elses lists out there so I don't feel so self-possessed. I'd love to read them.)
1. I love raspberries. Anything to do with them- Je adore !
2. I really enjoy the simple things in life. My needs have never been complicated, nor my wants. That's why I always seem like I'm overwhelmed with complication. A pursuit of something simple always seems to explode in my face.
3. I am so flexible it hurts sometimes. Mentally and physically. I'm certain if I exercised more, that I could touch my right buttock with my right foot all the way around. No such luck yet. Mentally- I acknowlege that I have a problem with putting myself first sometimes, and will often put myself out extreme lengths to help people, but bottom line, is I wouldn't do it unless I loved the person, OR, I'm not thinking when I do whatever. That said, I'm much to much of a jerk to have some sort of martyr complex. I'll laugh before I pick you up off your feet, but I'll still pick you up.
4. I have a weird relationship with mathematics. Any chance I get to do some sort of problem solving is something I tackle with perverse glee. This factors in to how cheap I am. I budget either scrupulously well, or not at all and pretend like my finances are always ok. Which they are, for the mostpart.
5. If I'm angry or clogged with thoughts, I clean things. I enjoy cleaning, but not in an OCD way- just for the time for mindless work and thinking that it provides. And personal satisfaction at seeing my reflection in toilet bowls. This said, I don't like being told to clean. And I don't like people telling me how to clean.
6. I love fingerpainting and sculpture. Anything that has my hands in direct contact with a medium is orgasmic fun.
7. I collect things that glow in the dark. It could be anything as useless as a paper clip, and I'd keep it forever if it glowed in the dark.
8. Will give head for dark chocolate. I absolutely love chocolate.
9. My father's side of the family is somehow really vulnerable to addiction. Everyone in his immediate family smokes except for him. And I do. This scares me.
10. I have something called Golden Hars Syndrome. This has made me research quarry for my entire life, because no one knows what causes it. Gamma rays or space aliens. Seriously though- I have it very minorly- people were amazed that I turned out as intelligent as I did. It took me a long time to reconcile to how different I was from other people- but now, I am sort of proud of it- it sets me apart.
11. This isn't to say that I still don't have my moments of anguish about it, but really- what is going to change? I make the best of what I got. And look at what I got.
12. I defy normalcy. I have perfect balance. I bowl lefthanded, hit righthanded, write righthanded, play volleyball left handed, switch hands in badminton, throw lefthanded- the list goes on.
13. I still climb trees. Don't tell.
14. I'm curious about everything, which gives me a short attention span. I get left behind A LOT on hikes, walks, and mall-runs. I look at everything.
15. I love meeting new people, to the point where I will strike up conversation with strangers when the mood strikes me. I like knowing about whatever is on people's minds in regards to whatever they feel like talking about.
16. I don't have many secrets and I wish sometimes that people were as interested in me as I am in them. I told a friend once that "I wish people would rummage through my sock drawers, or snoop in my stuff." I wouldn't be invaded, I'd be flattered. Woe befall me if I ever have a stalker, lol. "Where are my underwear?"
17. I really want to have sex in a lot of strange places. A quincy being one. A crawlspace being another. Bizarre. Freudian analysis dictates that thusly, I don't find it easy to find privacy. Which is true.
18. I'm vulnerable when I'm out of control of a situation, but this isn't to say that I don't enjoy being out of control sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like spinning around wildly until I smack into something and get knocked out. Not literally.
19. I'm double-jointed in my left thumb.
20. I have a prosthetic ear that I throw at people constantly, when they don't appear to be listening to me.
21. I have had eighteen surgeries requiring TKO, and two that were local anesthesia. I can still count about thirteen of the IV scars.
22. I'm cocky (no pun intended) when it comes to intimate relations, but truthfully, I think I've just gotten lucky. If you're bedding down virgins, of course they think you're awesome at everything. Really, I am still sort of a naif myself.
23. I've always had this hidden explosive urge to get a Moped and just take off across the country with it- strap a typewriter to the back- and just go. A real unhealthy fascination with writer's exile, I tell you.
24. I'm in love with the idea of a tiny insignificant apartment with a fire escape to sit on, and sunlight coming in all day through one window at least, a futon, a tiny fridge, and a clanking radiator in the living room and art on walls making the space seem smaller then it really is. And warm creaky wood floors covered in braided rugs.
25. I'm a packrat. I also steal hospital supplies.
26. Only Belly knows, but I'm a good singer. I used to sing karaoke quite a lot and jam with the boys in Katima-V, and thus learned that I actually had talent. I auditioned for a band once but didn't get it because I choked, to be quite honest. I have written quite a lot of songs, but they sort of collect dust. I miss karaoke though, it was fun.
27. I can do anything I put my mind to, very well. Sometimes it might take me a little more effort to learn something, but once it's there, it's stuck for life. Like driving tractors. I will never forget how to do that.
28. I love being up high. Heights fascinate me, because I like seeing how much further into the horizon I can see. Also, there is something about regarding all the anonymous lives that hum along below that is really interesting. But I don't have a god-complex, just a "people are an infestation, look at us go!" complex.
29. I really like plants, and wish I could have a garden to putz around in. This is hilarious, because I'm also real good at killing plants. Only about one in three ever live.
30. I've never really been romanced before. Being a silly old romantic at heart, I wish I could be, but often just end up romancing the people I'm with instead.
31. I am too sensitive and passionate for my own good. Sometimes though, I can be the totally opposite. I'll always be passionate, but sometimes I'm pretty fucking oblivious to the feelings of other people.
32. I think that I will probably smoke tea for the rest of my life, about twice or three times a year- just go on a walk with a notebook and get high somewhere on my own and enjoy the quiet of whereever I happen to be. Or be around those who provide "stimulating" discussion. I can't smoke during school very often though, because it does a number on my working memory.
33. I am in fucking love with photography. I have been itching to get into it more seriously lately- and money allowing, I will. I just have a knack for it, and I love being behind the lense, not in front of it. Ever.
34. My memory is really bad. I say this constantly, but it scares me how bad my working memory is. It has been getting better though. One thing I found, is that for some reason, my memory is amazing when I don't smoke. Must get oxygen to brain...
35. I don't like people who abuse the L- word. It really bothers me. Love is like a car in the garage. You don't have to constantly remind yourself, or your significant other, that there is a car parked in the garage do you? Every morning? "Honey....there's a car parked in our garage!" I mistrust meaningless repetition.
36. It may not look it, but I've been really fashion conscious since the age of like eight. Being able to buy my own clothes at thirteen was like heaven. However, I will sacrifice style for practicality at the drop of a hat. If you offered me a parka that could fly, I'd buy it.
37. I hate incredibly passive people and get pissed with myself when I catch myself being stupidly passive. Love used to make me passive, and still makes me fear it (love) for the reason that I might be like that again. This said, I am a dominant person, but I don't dominate....that doesn't make sense does it. How about, I don't like to be dominating- sometimes I wish everyone would just make my decisions for me.
38. I enjoy sewing. Consequently, my lack of time has tuned out this as a creative outlet, and turned it into more of "I must repair my clothes imperatively, or they will fall off my body. Or, in the instance of my Clash hoody, I will cry."
39. I don't like talking about myself. I constantly think I talk about myself too much to others, and it embarrasses me later when I look back at times where I inadvertently gabbed about me for what seems forever. I also never tell anyone about my personal problems- when I do, that means they've left the realm of my control, that I seriously need some advice. But otherwise, I keep it to myself or vent on my blog, finding that if left to my own devices long enough, I can usually sort them out. This exercise however, is an obviously massive exception. And personal things that come out as funny stories, are really just nothing, though I love to exaggerate everything.
40. Writing is something I love to do. The power that words have absolutely fascinates me. And true to the form of a writer, I suppose I'm quite narcisstic, because I too dream of getting published for some reason or another someday. And going with that, I have a curious respect/disrespect for words. I'll use words in inappropriate context, just to see what they sound like, constantly. Or just mispronounce them, but not on purpose. I'm just an idiot that way. It's not my voice in my head shouting their pronounciations, it's some strange australian...kidding...
41. I'm not afraid of much. I mean, I get scared sometimes, but I have no concrete phobias. Sometimes I think I do, but I don't really. I can't just say, "I'm afraid of pirahnas" or something, like the rest of the world. You know what made me apprehensive when I was a kid though? Not being able to see my feet when I went swimming at the beach. Like, not when I was swimming, but when I was walking in the lake. I watched far too many ocean nature documentaries as a kid. Sharks this, skates that. I would have nightmares about being eaten by sharks in the cold Lake constantly.
42. I have a cast-iron stomach. It's really hard to gross me out. When it really comes down to it, I think that I feel like I sometimes have to say, "Ewww grosss" to remain socially normal. But really.... I'll touch your herniated intestine and go, "shit that's cool" if anything.
43. When I was thirteen, I pulled 112 pages of political discourse behind the lyrics of the Chumbawumba cd and read them all (I'm fairly certain I still have them- 25 pages on Trickle Down Theory anyone?) Ok, that's boring.
44. I have lucky red transformer underwear. Only my immediate circle of friends know this. But now, the world...
45. I'm interested in taking some ballet lessons eventually. Hopefully before I become post-natal dumpy with that delightful little uterine paunch. I really love dancing though. I rock out anywhere at any time when the mood strikes me.
46. I am an extremely physically active person during the summer, when I have time and resources. I love being on the move doing anything, because it sort of satiates a little bit of wanderlust I constantly have picking away at me. Being busy distracts that.
47. I am socially awkward. Not awkward in the usual "I'm shy, tee hee" manner, but awkward in that I have a complete disregard for social conduct as far as conversation goes. I'll talk about anything, if I understand it well enough. I can be smooth and social in any situation, but there are times where I plug in the music for the whole day and blot the world out. Also, I don't like making small talk. It's strained, and I'm just so much more interested in the things beneath the surface. I don't care about how your cat made a cute noise this morning. Even better, don't demonstrate it, I'm not listening. But of course, sometimes things evolve from small talk, so I'm not a bitch that jumps into questioning what you think of existentialism right away. Also- I ignore social protocol. I'm a little impulsive that way. Ok, very impulsive, and protocol reminds me of velvet barriers. You either follow them, or you plow right over them, because if you were to challenge the velvet barriers (the ones in movie theatres, ok?) they'd fall over like 90 year old shoveling a sidewalk. So what's the point? Precarious etiquette? I say, blunder ahead full speed.
48. I don't try hard enough at anything. I am only possessed to put lots of effort into things or people that I love. I realize this is terrible, but it will be a life-long quest to come out of being an underachiever I'm told. I'm getting better then I was though.
49. I completely abhor makeup. I get the impression that people think I'm a slob sometimes because I don't wear it, but honestly, the thought of covering my face with that goop to be socially conforming and hence "attractive", just completely repulses me. The first time I ever (and hopefully last) wore it, was for my highschool graduation.
50. It is hard for me to fall in love, but when I do, I fall damn hard.
51. I'm a pacifist. If I got cornered in a dark alley however, I could also defend myself. And I know that I make lots of tough girl talk, but I would never raise my hand against anyone. Seriously. Punching my friends is excluded from this though (by the way, I've figured out the reason I do that is because words fail me at the moment someone teases me- to be improved upon).
52. I don't think I'm very modest, but I try. Which is why I've only written fifty-five of these, as opposed to 100. Plus, I like to be mysterious, though really, everyone is mysterious forever. I don't ever want to seem predictable though either. Solid, but spontaneous.
53. I'm constantly waiting for something to happen. I notice everything around me happening to other people that seems extraordinary to me, though not necessarily them. And the stupid thing is that there is always something happening to me. I suppose what I'm really waiting for constantly are more profound moments to occur in my day- waiting for something to happen that I couldn't possibly write about that I'd just have to keep in my head and treasure for ever.
54. Inexplicably attracted to cynical and slightly egotistical people. It sounds so bad to say it, like we're awful people, but these people, in my mind, are the best people.
55. I could spend hours playing catch with a tennis ball- it's just that great- but only if I have someone to play catch with. ¶ 5:49 PM
(I've been working on this for like months and just finished sometime yesterday. I really encourage doing this, because it teaches you a lot about yourself, especially where your own contradictions lie, plus it would be nice to see everyone elses lists out there so I don't feel so self-possessed. I'd love to read them.)
1. I love raspberries. Anything to do with them- Je adore !
2. I really enjoy the simple things in life. My needs have never been complicated, nor my wants. That's why I always seem like I'm overwhelmed with complication. A pursuit of something simple always seems to explode in my face.
3. I am so flexible it hurts sometimes. Mentally and physically. I'm certain if I exercised more, that I could touch my right buttock with my right foot all the way around. No such luck yet. Mentally- I acknowlege that I have a problem with putting myself first sometimes, and will often put myself out extreme lengths to help people, but bottom line, is I wouldn't do it unless I loved the person, OR, I'm not thinking when I do whatever. That said, I'm much to much of a jerk to have some sort of martyr complex. I'll laugh before I pick you up off your feet, but I'll still pick you up.
4. I have a weird relationship with mathematics. Any chance I get to do some sort of problem solving is something I tackle with perverse glee. This factors in to how cheap I am. I budget either scrupulously well, or not at all and pretend like my finances are always ok. Which they are, for the mostpart.
5. If I'm angry or clogged with thoughts, I clean things. I enjoy cleaning, but not in an OCD way- just for the time for mindless work and thinking that it provides. And personal satisfaction at seeing my reflection in toilet bowls. This said, I don't like being told to clean. And I don't like people telling me how to clean.
6. I love fingerpainting and sculpture. Anything that has my hands in direct contact with a medium is orgasmic fun.
7. I collect things that glow in the dark. It could be anything as useless as a paper clip, and I'd keep it forever if it glowed in the dark.
8. Will give head for dark chocolate. I absolutely love chocolate.
9. My father's side of the family is somehow really vulnerable to addiction. Everyone in his immediate family smokes except for him. And I do. This scares me.
10. I have something called Golden Hars Syndrome. This has made me research quarry for my entire life, because no one knows what causes it. Gamma rays or space aliens. Seriously though- I have it very minorly- people were amazed that I turned out as intelligent as I did. It took me a long time to reconcile to how different I was from other people- but now, I am sort of proud of it- it sets me apart.
11. This isn't to say that I still don't have my moments of anguish about it, but really- what is going to change? I make the best of what I got. And look at what I got.
12. I defy normalcy. I have perfect balance. I bowl lefthanded, hit righthanded, write righthanded, play volleyball left handed, switch hands in badminton, throw lefthanded- the list goes on.
13. I still climb trees. Don't tell.
14. I'm curious about everything, which gives me a short attention span. I get left behind A LOT on hikes, walks, and mall-runs. I look at everything.
15. I love meeting new people, to the point where I will strike up conversation with strangers when the mood strikes me. I like knowing about whatever is on people's minds in regards to whatever they feel like talking about.
16. I don't have many secrets and I wish sometimes that people were as interested in me as I am in them. I told a friend once that "I wish people would rummage through my sock drawers, or snoop in my stuff." I wouldn't be invaded, I'd be flattered. Woe befall me if I ever have a stalker, lol. "Where are my underwear?"
17. I really want to have sex in a lot of strange places. A quincy being one. A crawlspace being another. Bizarre. Freudian analysis dictates that thusly, I don't find it easy to find privacy. Which is true.
18. I'm vulnerable when I'm out of control of a situation, but this isn't to say that I don't enjoy being out of control sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like spinning around wildly until I smack into something and get knocked out. Not literally.
19. I'm double-jointed in my left thumb.
20. I have a prosthetic ear that I throw at people constantly, when they don't appear to be listening to me.
21. I have had eighteen surgeries requiring TKO, and two that were local anesthesia. I can still count about thirteen of the IV scars.
22. I'm cocky (no pun intended) when it comes to intimate relations, but truthfully, I think I've just gotten lucky. If you're bedding down virgins, of course they think you're awesome at everything. Really, I am still sort of a naif myself.
23. I've always had this hidden explosive urge to get a Moped and just take off across the country with it- strap a typewriter to the back- and just go. A real unhealthy fascination with writer's exile, I tell you.
24. I'm in love with the idea of a tiny insignificant apartment with a fire escape to sit on, and sunlight coming in all day through one window at least, a futon, a tiny fridge, and a clanking radiator in the living room and art on walls making the space seem smaller then it really is. And warm creaky wood floors covered in braided rugs.
25. I'm a packrat. I also steal hospital supplies.
26. Only Belly knows, but I'm a good singer. I used to sing karaoke quite a lot and jam with the boys in Katima-V, and thus learned that I actually had talent. I auditioned for a band once but didn't get it because I choked, to be quite honest. I have written quite a lot of songs, but they sort of collect dust. I miss karaoke though, it was fun.
27. I can do anything I put my mind to, very well. Sometimes it might take me a little more effort to learn something, but once it's there, it's stuck for life. Like driving tractors. I will never forget how to do that.
28. I love being up high. Heights fascinate me, because I like seeing how much further into the horizon I can see. Also, there is something about regarding all the anonymous lives that hum along below that is really interesting. But I don't have a god-complex, just a "people are an infestation, look at us go!" complex.
29. I really like plants, and wish I could have a garden to putz around in. This is hilarious, because I'm also real good at killing plants. Only about one in three ever live.
30. I've never really been romanced before. Being a silly old romantic at heart, I wish I could be, but often just end up romancing the people I'm with instead.
31. I am too sensitive and passionate for my own good. Sometimes though, I can be the totally opposite. I'll always be passionate, but sometimes I'm pretty fucking oblivious to the feelings of other people.
32. I think that I will probably smoke tea for the rest of my life, about twice or three times a year- just go on a walk with a notebook and get high somewhere on my own and enjoy the quiet of whereever I happen to be. Or be around those who provide "stimulating" discussion. I can't smoke during school very often though, because it does a number on my working memory.
33. I am in fucking love with photography. I have been itching to get into it more seriously lately- and money allowing, I will. I just have a knack for it, and I love being behind the lense, not in front of it. Ever.
34. My memory is really bad. I say this constantly, but it scares me how bad my working memory is. It has been getting better though. One thing I found, is that for some reason, my memory is amazing when I don't smoke. Must get oxygen to brain...
35. I don't like people who abuse the L- word. It really bothers me. Love is like a car in the garage. You don't have to constantly remind yourself, or your significant other, that there is a car parked in the garage do you? Every morning? "Honey....there's a car parked in our garage!" I mistrust meaningless repetition.
36. It may not look it, but I've been really fashion conscious since the age of like eight. Being able to buy my own clothes at thirteen was like heaven. However, I will sacrifice style for practicality at the drop of a hat. If you offered me a parka that could fly, I'd buy it.
37. I hate incredibly passive people and get pissed with myself when I catch myself being stupidly passive. Love used to make me passive, and still makes me fear it (love) for the reason that I might be like that again. This said, I am a dominant person, but I don't dominate....that doesn't make sense does it. How about, I don't like to be dominating- sometimes I wish everyone would just make my decisions for me.
38. I enjoy sewing. Consequently, my lack of time has tuned out this as a creative outlet, and turned it into more of "I must repair my clothes imperatively, or they will fall off my body. Or, in the instance of my Clash hoody, I will cry."
39. I don't like talking about myself. I constantly think I talk about myself too much to others, and it embarrasses me later when I look back at times where I inadvertently gabbed about me for what seems forever. I also never tell anyone about my personal problems- when I do, that means they've left the realm of my control, that I seriously need some advice. But otherwise, I keep it to myself or vent on my blog, finding that if left to my own devices long enough, I can usually sort them out. This exercise however, is an obviously massive exception. And personal things that come out as funny stories, are really just nothing, though I love to exaggerate everything.
40. Writing is something I love to do. The power that words have absolutely fascinates me. And true to the form of a writer, I suppose I'm quite narcisstic, because I too dream of getting published for some reason or another someday. And going with that, I have a curious respect/disrespect for words. I'll use words in inappropriate context, just to see what they sound like, constantly. Or just mispronounce them, but not on purpose. I'm just an idiot that way. It's not my voice in my head shouting their pronounciations, it's some strange australian...kidding...
41. I'm not afraid of much. I mean, I get scared sometimes, but I have no concrete phobias. Sometimes I think I do, but I don't really. I can't just say, "I'm afraid of pirahnas" or something, like the rest of the world. You know what made me apprehensive when I was a kid though? Not being able to see my feet when I went swimming at the beach. Like, not when I was swimming, but when I was walking in the lake. I watched far too many ocean nature documentaries as a kid. Sharks this, skates that. I would have nightmares about being eaten by sharks in the cold Lake constantly.
42. I have a cast-iron stomach. It's really hard to gross me out. When it really comes down to it, I think that I feel like I sometimes have to say, "Ewww grosss" to remain socially normal. But really.... I'll touch your herniated intestine and go, "shit that's cool" if anything.
43. When I was thirteen, I pulled 112 pages of political discourse behind the lyrics of the Chumbawumba cd and read them all (I'm fairly certain I still have them- 25 pages on Trickle Down Theory anyone?) Ok, that's boring.
44. I have lucky red transformer underwear. Only my immediate circle of friends know this. But now, the world...
45. I'm interested in taking some ballet lessons eventually. Hopefully before I become post-natal dumpy with that delightful little uterine paunch. I really love dancing though. I rock out anywhere at any time when the mood strikes me.
46. I am an extremely physically active person during the summer, when I have time and resources. I love being on the move doing anything, because it sort of satiates a little bit of wanderlust I constantly have picking away at me. Being busy distracts that.
47. I am socially awkward. Not awkward in the usual "I'm shy, tee hee" manner, but awkward in that I have a complete disregard for social conduct as far as conversation goes. I'll talk about anything, if I understand it well enough. I can be smooth and social in any situation, but there are times where I plug in the music for the whole day and blot the world out. Also, I don't like making small talk. It's strained, and I'm just so much more interested in the things beneath the surface. I don't care about how your cat made a cute noise this morning. Even better, don't demonstrate it, I'm not listening. But of course, sometimes things evolve from small talk, so I'm not a bitch that jumps into questioning what you think of existentialism right away. Also- I ignore social protocol. I'm a little impulsive that way. Ok, very impulsive, and protocol reminds me of velvet barriers. You either follow them, or you plow right over them, because if you were to challenge the velvet barriers (the ones in movie theatres, ok?) they'd fall over like 90 year old shoveling a sidewalk. So what's the point? Precarious etiquette? I say, blunder ahead full speed.
48. I don't try hard enough at anything. I am only possessed to put lots of effort into things or people that I love. I realize this is terrible, but it will be a life-long quest to come out of being an underachiever I'm told. I'm getting better then I was though.
49. I completely abhor makeup. I get the impression that people think I'm a slob sometimes because I don't wear it, but honestly, the thought of covering my face with that goop to be socially conforming and hence "attractive", just completely repulses me. The first time I ever (and hopefully last) wore it, was for my highschool graduation.
50. It is hard for me to fall in love, but when I do, I fall damn hard.
51. I'm a pacifist. If I got cornered in a dark alley however, I could also defend myself. And I know that I make lots of tough girl talk, but I would never raise my hand against anyone. Seriously. Punching my friends is excluded from this though (by the way, I've figured out the reason I do that is because words fail me at the moment someone teases me- to be improved upon).
52. I don't think I'm very modest, but I try. Which is why I've only written fifty-five of these, as opposed to 100. Plus, I like to be mysterious, though really, everyone is mysterious forever. I don't ever want to seem predictable though either. Solid, but spontaneous.
53. I'm constantly waiting for something to happen. I notice everything around me happening to other people that seems extraordinary to me, though not necessarily them. And the stupid thing is that there is always something happening to me. I suppose what I'm really waiting for constantly are more profound moments to occur in my day- waiting for something to happen that I couldn't possibly write about that I'd just have to keep in my head and treasure for ever.
54. Inexplicably attracted to cynical and slightly egotistical people. It sounds so bad to say it, like we're awful people, but these people, in my mind, are the best people.
55. I could spend hours playing catch with a tennis ball- it's just that great- but only if I have someone to play catch with. ¶ 5:49 PM
