"Be a shmuck like them." As is common knowlege already, Mr. Pink and I parted ways last night. It went about as well as any sort of breaking up, or in this case, redefining of relationship terms, can go. It got a little emotional at one point, but really, I think we both saw it coming. I have to admit though, that I callously had been unaware that he was feeling a little pressured about everything from the start. And yet he was still upset that we were relegating things back to friendship status, more upset then I was. I think he'll probably feel better about it today. Because really, I still love him no matter what, and I told him that. I had this suprising mature epiphany of how to convey all this to him too, so I'm not too worried. Basically now, we're both off the hook, no "relationship" pressures or obligations- additionally, I just asked him to tell me when he was ready. And by ready, I mean organized and willing to put in the work to make it work. And I don't think that's unfair.

With this though- there is always the hazard that I will find love before he is ready, with someone else. Or, contreversly, he might find someone else and etc. and we might not decide to try this again sometime. But returning to my initial point: I'm not going to fuck around, it's still the same as it was- I will wait for my profound connection. Admittedly, this is always easier said then done though, but really, you never know who you will meet at the supermarket.

Speaking of public spheres...there is this guy on the 1 Capilano that I always take at night on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday who smiles at me. He asked me a question once that I can't remember now, and I asked him stupidly if we were on 101st street (we were, blatantly obviously). Anywho, for some inexplicable reason, he smiles at me now whenever he sees me, and I confusingly smile back. And, today, when I was crossing the street to come back into the ed. building after coffee with Bento he was crossing in my direction, and we stopped, introduced ourselves and chatted like it was the most natural thing in the world. He's a finance major, who is interning at a bank by the library (where I usually catch the 1). I won't divulge his name, but he seems really familiar somehow. But finance major? Anyways, it's just this odd thing- I felt like mentioning it because I've been thinking about how I interact with people lately, and in return, how they interact with me. I have no bones about talking to strangers, so it isn't that mystifying, but I've been thinking about how I form relationships with people- and how it is incredibly profound how I can form great friendships with those that I meet in the most chancy (word?) circumstances.

Example: If Bento hadn't pushed me across Whyte avenue last April, and chided me for being a shy dork about going to my gateway meeting, I never would have met Fenton. Similarly, if I hadn't been sitting in that chair at that precise moment that Jake took off for nether regions of the dark bar, I probably wouldn't even have started talking to Fenton. But we did start talking, and that was that- the forming of one of my greatest friendships.

Anywho, in an unrelated matter, I've got this one line stuck in my head, "I'm all alone..." sung in the same pathetic manner as a disney character in a movie, I'm fairly certain of it.

Additionally- I started studying for my ESL midterm last night at approximately eleven-thirty, and passed out at one, with several naps in between, and then tried to read until two, but didn't make it. I stalled thusly, from seven to eleven thirty, and ended up writing the midterm this morning by the seat of my pants alone. And surprisingly, it went well. Apparently, I only need ten minutes of note review on the bus in the morning. Zootalours!





  ¶ 2:43 PM