Monday, March 14, 2005
Larsonous Lowl fowl
What a good day. It was cool, but sunny- and I had a really good and much needed conversation with Bullshit Proof Vest at our usual coffee time. The man is full of sense, amongst other things. I'm really growing to value the friendship I've found in him, and we always have fun when we hang out, even if we're just bein' goofy. And I don't feel dumb around him, which is pretty important I've realized.
Interesting thing: I've never stopped and visibly stared at anyone, but the other day at the theatre, there was the most amazing looking guy there that just stopped me in my tracks. I wasn't like openly gawking but keeping a close eye on him while I talked to the boys, and lo and behold, he turned and stared at me. Ducked behind the pillar to buy popcorn, and peeked around the side and stared right at me. Or maybe over me. But it was a good moment, and as fleeting as the moment was, I'll never forget him. He was about half a foot taller then me, and had black hair, thick rimmed black framed glasses, and tattoos all over his arms. Tattoos! Mein Gott! So superficial, but anyways...
I had a great realization today also that I would like to share. For the past year or so, anyone who really knows me knows that I've had some issues with my "voice"- as in, feeling like I constantly have nothing to say that is relevant to anything much, or, that I've been a lot more subdued in my everyday speaking ways. Today, I realized that I think this little funk has finally left me for good. It's been building for the last few weeks, because I've been having these instances where I sit back and think about conversations of the day and go, "damn, you were pretty intelligent today, awesome" as opposed to, "what were you thinking? Why didn't you say that instead of this!" So admittedly, it's been a confidence thing, but hey, it's come back... Whooop whoop whooop whooop whooop whooop whooop...... It totally has left me though as to why I've been like this to begin with. Admittedly, I think some people may have factored into it- but ultimately this means that it has been my culpable self being a dinkface.
Additionally, I've found that confidence levels have been at an all time high lately. Although, I'm not sure if this is confidence or a general indifference to how the world percieves me. Either/or, is good. I don't just walk, I strut with purpose. Admittedly, being "confident" has never been a huge issue with me, but actually feeling it, instead of acting it, is a whole nother ballpark. Oh that's right- I can act it... albeit, horribly sometimes.
So, while this is all fine and great, it seems massively out of place to be making all these joyful observations and realizations right now. I won't elaborate.
Today I dropped off my resume to City Hall in SA, and mucked through the mud to get to the condo to bum supper off the grandparents (five minutes away). Phoned mom roughly a half an hour after arriving- she said the City had phoned her already and had asked her to tell me to get this whole huge list of stuff and bring it to the office as soon as possible. Now, I'm used to bringing in the driver's abstract- that yearly payment of $18.25 on a blank sheet, is what keeps me the job somewhat, but...you'd think that if I'd been an employee there for so long, that they'd keep all the bank crap on record, so, chalk up a blank (void) check for payroll (again, not so bad), but here's where I get mad. A fucking criminal record check? Come ON. . . Luckily, it is free for all city of SA employees, but still, like I have all the fucking time in the world to do all this running around right now. I can see it now (seeing as I'll be doing all this on Friday): Getting to SA (being gassed on the stretch bus by the dust, like I was today), getting to the RCMP station, and then ending up at City Hall just as the HR office closes ...after having to phone the bank in hometown (also, my fault again, for not switching banks yet) to get a void check mailed or something ridiculous like that. This whole bureaucratic hurdle-jumping thing just to be able to get my shitty job back really annoys me. I'm still debating if I want to cut grass this year...but I'm thinking it depends how the crews pan out, because I refuse to be as miserable as I was last year. Similarly, I don't want to work with many of the younger ones (granted, this is somewhat inevitable)- because they're the ones that piss me off the most. SA BRATS. ARgh. Differently, I hope I get to do more training again this year, because I enjoyed that alot.
Long story short- If I get offered building maintenance this year, I'm taking it. Exercise or no exercise. One thing I realized today though too is that a ton of the older seasonal staff won't be back, because they've graduated and joined their rendition of life. I hope the jerks are gone, anyways. ¶ 11:40 PM
Interesting thing: I've never stopped and visibly stared at anyone, but the other day at the theatre, there was the most amazing looking guy there that just stopped me in my tracks. I wasn't like openly gawking but keeping a close eye on him while I talked to the boys, and lo and behold, he turned and stared at me. Ducked behind the pillar to buy popcorn, and peeked around the side and stared right at me. Or maybe over me. But it was a good moment, and as fleeting as the moment was, I'll never forget him. He was about half a foot taller then me, and had black hair, thick rimmed black framed glasses, and tattoos all over his arms. Tattoos! Mein Gott! So superficial, but anyways...
I had a great realization today also that I would like to share. For the past year or so, anyone who really knows me knows that I've had some issues with my "voice"- as in, feeling like I constantly have nothing to say that is relevant to anything much, or, that I've been a lot more subdued in my everyday speaking ways. Today, I realized that I think this little funk has finally left me for good. It's been building for the last few weeks, because I've been having these instances where I sit back and think about conversations of the day and go, "damn, you were pretty intelligent today, awesome" as opposed to, "what were you thinking? Why didn't you say that instead of this!" So admittedly, it's been a confidence thing, but hey, it's come back... Whooop whoop whooop whooop whooop whooop whooop...... It totally has left me though as to why I've been like this to begin with. Admittedly, I think some people may have factored into it- but ultimately this means that it has been my culpable self being a dinkface.
Additionally, I've found that confidence levels have been at an all time high lately. Although, I'm not sure if this is confidence or a general indifference to how the world percieves me. Either/or, is good. I don't just walk, I strut with purpose. Admittedly, being "confident" has never been a huge issue with me, but actually feeling it, instead of acting it, is a whole nother ballpark. Oh that's right- I can act it... albeit, horribly sometimes.
So, while this is all fine and great, it seems massively out of place to be making all these joyful observations and realizations right now. I won't elaborate.
Today I dropped off my resume to City Hall in SA, and mucked through the mud to get to the condo to bum supper off the grandparents (five minutes away). Phoned mom roughly a half an hour after arriving- she said the City had phoned her already and had asked her to tell me to get this whole huge list of stuff and bring it to the office as soon as possible. Now, I'm used to bringing in the driver's abstract- that yearly payment of $18.25 on a blank sheet, is what keeps me the job somewhat, but...you'd think that if I'd been an employee there for so long, that they'd keep all the bank crap on record, so, chalk up a blank (void) check for payroll (again, not so bad), but here's where I get mad. A fucking criminal record check? Come ON. . . Luckily, it is free for all city of SA employees, but still, like I have all the fucking time in the world to do all this running around right now. I can see it now (seeing as I'll be doing all this on Friday): Getting to SA (being gassed on the stretch bus by the dust, like I was today), getting to the RCMP station, and then ending up at City Hall just as the HR office closes ...after having to phone the bank in hometown (also, my fault again, for not switching banks yet) to get a void check mailed or something ridiculous like that. This whole bureaucratic hurdle-jumping thing just to be able to get my shitty job back really annoys me. I'm still debating if I want to cut grass this year...but I'm thinking it depends how the crews pan out, because I refuse to be as miserable as I was last year. Similarly, I don't want to work with many of the younger ones (granted, this is somewhat inevitable)- because they're the ones that piss me off the most. SA BRATS. ARgh. Differently, I hope I get to do more training again this year, because I enjoyed that alot.
Long story short- If I get offered building maintenance this year, I'm taking it. Exercise or no exercise. One thing I realized today though too is that a ton of the older seasonal staff won't be back, because they've graduated and joined their rendition of life. I hope the jerks are gone, anyways. ¶ 11:40 PM
