The whole famDAMNly. I would be underscoring the situation if I said this whole experience as of late, is changing the dynamic of the family. All of a sudden, in the last few days, I have been treated like an adult by my father. This is a big thing. I actually have responsibilities in this situation now, and I'm fulfilling them, and surprising a lot of people along the way. I keep getting "you are so much like your father- and thank god for that" lately. I have to admit, maybe this is short term crisis management praise- but to get it and some recognition that I haven't just been a stupid unchanging human bumbling around on earth for the last twenty-two years, is kind of nice, despite the context.

Here's why: I've been counselling some of my aunts. Two of my aunts. My dad asked me to, and I have been, but with the spirit of being completely neutral in the whole mucky mire of things (which is why I say 'counselling'). Things seem actually to be getting better in the dynamic as of today, but there are still some glitches. Aunt Anathema is still only on speaking terms with my dad. My mom has taken a side- something she would deny, but has inevitably occurred anyways because of her general attitude towards Anathema. The misunderstood middle-child is finally starting to stay at the hospital for longer intervals, although Boone (her husband- PTSD from Vietnam) refuses to come upstairs because he fears flashbacks from being surrounded by terminal patients. I ran into him on my way out to class this afternoon, in the cafeteria and talked to him. He and Godzilla had words the other day on her treatment of the misunderstood middle child, and he vows never to apologise to her. And he won't, because a) he's fucking stubborn, b) he loves the MMC dearly and c) he'll probably forget all about it by tomorrow because he's more addled then anything.

Grandma had a really clear hour yesterday where she was actually talking. She can't write anymore, but she was talking to all of us, despite the fact that she's very tired. She told dad to tell me that I need to start dressing better, and that I should take some of her clothes, and she's been telling stories about her childhood. Which is amazing. Troubling though was that before she went back to sleep yesterday, she started asking why she was there (in palliative care) and what was wrong with her, and what was going to happen to her. None of us knew how to answer those questions, and the more I think about it, the more I don't think I'll know what to even say if she asks them again. When I worked at The Pines (extended care facility), the hardest part of the job for me was dealing with issues of senility in the patients in a human way. I hate seeing people dehumanize others because of a lack of faculty. But at the Pines, what made it hard was that I essentially had to lie to them (white lies), or ignore the questions and change the subject. And I hated it, it was despicable. You want to be honest, but you know that honesty could wreck their mindstate more. "Sally" (76) was utterly convinced that her parents were coming to pick her up, everyday, at about two o'clock for lunch. She would ask to use the phone to remind them. I never knew what to say. I provided distractions, and slowly the questions would trickle into nothing as the mindframe of a child who's been left in an unfamiliar place dissappeared. But this would go on and be repeated everyday. Looking at the clock and seeing it was nearing two would automatically trigger this. You knew it was coming, but you had to be a little bit more innovative each time too, because she would sometimes realize that the day before, her parents hadn't come to pick her up, that she'd been left there. She started to cry once, and I was completely at a loss. I didn't even know what to say, and for the whole time I worked there, things like this occurred everyday and I never ever got used to it.

It scares me now though, because it's actually someone I've known all my life. I'm having this whole "before and after" thing going on, and it's scary. Here is the woman who understood the theoretics of the Big Bang and could explain them (an example), who taught me how to paint and draw, and she's completely and utterly helpless, and bordering on a loss of lucidness. I keep thinking too about my parents and my other grandparents (whom I'm much closer to even then my grandmother) and that if this were to occur with them (loss of lucidness) how awful it would be, and if I could even deal with it without becoming a huge mess compounded with concern for them being a huge mess. It's scary.

We talked about Meyer's-Briggs personality tests today in Ed. Psyche and actually did a small condensed version of it. Apparently I'm no longer an ENTP, but an ENFP, meaning that I've become less logical and more "kindhearted". As much as I'm not concerned, it's just funny. But people change I guess. I'm thinking also though that there were a lot less forced answers in the first one I ever did (in Katimavik) because we had 160 questions as opposed to today's ambiguous and paltry 70 questions. Alot of them were even the same questions, just reworded.

WestJet made an appearance today (Fenton and I must have jinxed it by discussing the matter yesterday). True to form, he listened, but turned the conversation to him as often as possible to avoid the touchy feely communions. Which I suppose is all right, because I've still had enough of insincerity for oh...the next three years or so. But yeah, we went for a quick coffee at "the ritzy" Second Cup. On the way back to the car, we went into Lush, on a whim. I never thought I'd set foot in that store based on my constantly recurring instances of thinking about "making quite a profit selling their own fat asses back to them" and other Fight Club soap making references. And I still thought about it when I was in the store- got grossed out by the smell and the industrialness of their presentation of product ("homemade") but still managed to get ripped off $8.50 by buying a 100mL bottle of Narkotik shower gel. It smelled awesome. I didn't even need it. I've never bought anything because I felt sorry for wasting the time of an employee who gives a spiel whenever I make eye contact. Usually I loathe those employees and/or ignore them, but today, I was compelled to buy something because she seemed so....into soap. I don't know. At least I was able to turn on logic long enough to resist her claims of "upsize, it's cheaper."

I still have a date with Seamus. I need to pull it together, and it's already nine o'clock. Aaugh.  ¶ 8:10 PM