The Doctor is In. I feel a lot better today- save for the flinching I am doing right now as my aunt makes more violent noise upstairs then usual. It is understandable, but pity the fool who crosses her path and encounters her laser beams right now.
Admittedly, I'm moody, venturing between depressed or somewhat manic, or just melancholia right now, but also, I am very relieved, and wonder if it's wrong to feel relieved, even though I shouldn't really, because there is no more hurting and waiting. Getting wasted by a bus instantly is one thing, but waiting for your body to give out on you, or watching someone do this, is a completely different hard terrible thing.

Last night, right after she passed, I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust. I got so warm I was hot to touch, but not feverish- my skin was just really really hot- but not sweaty, like standing naked under the sun. My skin felt like it was moving and stretching I was so warm. Ten minutes later after leaving the room, it just left me instantly and I sat in 23 degrees of warmth in the family room shivering. Mom says shock, but I don't know. That's never happened to me before. Mind you, I've never been so attached to someone and watched them die in front of me before either.

In other, more distracting news....Beryl, the mysterious amazing older (understatement) man I stumbled across in Craigslist, actually wrote me back. He wants to see a picture of me, and know more about me. I don't know what the hell to do, but go check out the site, he's amazing. Some very unusual eccentricities, but very good with words, and intimidatingly intelligent. Anywho...this is just speculative weirdness, so don't get all up in arms about me "pursuing an older man", he is just really ...wow.  ¶ 5:49 PM