"I will smite thee ho." The other day, I came up with a fantastic idea. Like, enlightenment and personal growth, all in one go, and probably a great thing for me to do, if I can gather up the gumption to actually do it:

Bear with me here, because I know it might sound stupid or terrible, but I was thinking about shaving my head bald. Everyone that knows me, knows that I have the tendency to be a little self deprecating and yes, I am fairly comfortable in my skin, but not completely- and when I have low moments, I loathe my body and hold it responsible for my sufferings. So- obviously a very unhealthy thing to do (the latter). Now, the method behind my madness is that, if I shave off all my hair, I will have these things occurring:

a) you will be able to see all the scars on the right side of my head.
b) I won't have the "false" security of hiding the back of my neck or upper back behind hair (though I can't really right now)
c) all my other physical flaws are already fairly visible, so I would be more blatantly showing them off, because no hair would emphasize the crooked neck and whatnot, as well as craniofacial stuff.
d) people already stare, so I imagine they will stare harder

Now, this all sounds very horrible, and personally I'm still weighing it out - but really, it's just hair. It grows back. And the way I'm looking at it, is that I won't be hiding anything at all. You'll even be able to see my little goofy bump on the back of my head- anyways- it's this whole idea of starting from the beginning again I suppose- and I think it would make me stronger. I'm not saying it's going to be pleasant and wonderful, but, I think it's a great way to get over my insecurities. I think too, when I remember how I got teased when I was a kid, I realized that I didn't handle that well at all- so this sort of gives me some weird twisted way of dealing with that all over again (there are still immature asses out there), but also, to deal with it the right way.

Going along with the quitting smoking thing- I may just do both that and the featured above activity on the same day. I think it would be profound and more meaningful that way. So it will go either a) some good self growth and development, or b) the shock of doing both will make me jump in front of a train. However, I'm counting on the novelty of having a cool feeling head to get me past the first two weeks of "aaahh!! What have you done?"

Sidenote: I was considering getting a small tattoo on my head while it was bald- just so it could be there while I was bald, and then, when my hair grew back it would be this little secret. However....I'm not sure if you can do that feasibly either without fucking up your scalp (follicles and whatnot).

Differently but not so much from this sort of personal aesthetic theme- I am thinking about kickstarting the wardrobe again, and just going through and getting rid of lots of stuff. I think I've matured a lot more then I necessarily reflect in what I wear. I feel like I dress like a highschool student sometimes, so I just need to sit back and revamp maybe. I love my tee-shirts though, so that collection will continue. But- I have so many sweaters- so I'll sort through them. And they're all wool boy sweaters for the most part, so if anyone is looking for a really sort of "alt" boy ....who am I kidding. Here's what I have. I have this awesome orange scottish wool sweater that is way too large for me (v-neck, mint condition), so if someone wants that...lemme know. Back on track- I want to mix it up a little (my wardrobe) and make it maybe a little more well thought out, and a little more edgier. Teeshirts and pants and a hoody--> fine, but boring, and I wear them waaaaay too fucking much. But also, I have good taste, but I don't necessarily know that well what looks good on me, or what sort of thing necessarily suits me the most. So, people who know me- give me your predictions, critical commentary, suggestions, or "man, I would love to see you .wear....because it would totally suit you." But, keep in mind, I'm also very picky- so if I don't listen to you exactly, don't be surprised. And I'm serious. For every joke about dressing like a hooker every day, there must be one legit thing.

Finally- I've been gaining weight in the last two weeks- it's amazing how stress makes you eat like shit and more frequently then usual. So- I'm going healthy from here on out. Gonna start rollerblading more ferociously after I get all these final assignments done. But yeah, t'aint good. Je pudge.

There was this thing that I did not miss after moving out of my parent's house so so long ago. I've been doing my own laundry since I was eleven, but inevitably my mom would do some of it too, and always fuck up my clothes (ie- shrink them, or turn them pink- I didn't have a pure white teeshirt until I turned 20). My parents have been here for the last two weeks. My mom took it upon herself to do my laundry. As a result, my new, ridiculously expensive awesome tee-shirt has shrunk from comfortably snug, to innappropriate. More impetus to lose weight, but still. Some things never change.

Lastly.... I'd lost something of mine that is fairly sketchy last fall, and could not remember where I had hid it. I never remember hiding places-like a squirrel who's touched a powerline, but anyways, I had forgotten where it was, and had convinced myself that it was all gone, all smoked. So. I'm looking for gum in my dresser, and I open the top drawer (they're skinny and impractical), and apparently, it's been a while since I've looked in there... because there it was, looking all conspicuous and guilty, right in the middle of the drawer. In my bedroom, where my snoopy mother has been sleeping for the last three or four weeks. My god. So, it is rehid- and ready for the end of finals. Or something.

Cats are here- this means Phoenix- and also explains the one centimeter thick layer of cat fur on everything. She's shedding like stupid amounts.  ¶ 11:54 PM