One more tear, doesn't mean that mean that much to the world I've mixed feelings right now. I can't sit down and write this letter to D. His mother emailed me and told me what jail he was in, and no matter what I do, I keep saying things retardo like "gee, my place is really small, but we like it." Because jail is a confined space, and it's miserable, and I don't need to be reminding him of the fact, and how "I have it SO bad...you cannot believe..." I think I'll get it done tonight...but I don't know.

Speaking of confined spaces and miserable... I don't know what I'm doing. I really miss my grandma and when it was just me and her living together. That is the happiest I have been in a long time, because now is not the happiest. I'm not sure what was going through my head this whole time that I've been saying, "it'll be awesome! It'll be great!" But right now, I'm not feelin' it. I just feel like I'm locked into another manically atmosphered confined space of the temporary, of transition. I've been bawling my eyes out all night because I'm starting to wonder if I've just made a huge mistaken assumption that this was going to be ok and that I would be strong enough to get through all this stuff without getting more then a flesh wound.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in bed. That place at least has always been mine.  ¶ 12:22 AM