!Verboten! There are so many things to say, and fortunately enough, I may just be sketched out and bored enough to say them all.

I've been in a weird place all day. I've been doing all these things, but sort of been standing outside myself while I do them. I went shopping for an outfit for my brother's upcoming wedding. One that I will indoubtedly be too bloated to wear at the time, but will probably force myself into with fat compliancy anyways. I hate being bloated. It makes me think of seal carcasses that just roll down the beach after they've been killed by plastic six-pack rings. I should just roll everywhere when I'm bloated.

That said, though I've been somewhat removed from my daily activities of finding "sexy results" in the mall, I haven't been unhappy. Just tired, and maybe flopping into a nice plateau of unending stress. Such is the beginning of a new semester, I suppose. Seriously though, I re-evaluated today, and right now is seriously the happiest I've been in a long time. Sure, school is going to be hard, especially the Student Assessment class, but everything else is coming up roses and fennelgreek. I'm quite excited about everything right now. It's also a bit intimidating though, because I've all of a sudden realized that I need to be putting a hell of a lot more thought and planning into what I'm going to do after I'm graduated. I have so many ideas, but I haven't committed to a single one, and having the unclear goal as such, it is a little disorienting. Even more confusing is the joyful stick that has been recently thrown into my already squeaky wheels. I absolutely don't know what to do at this point, past finish my degree. I don't know where to go, or how to do it. There are so many things that I've had my heart set on, and now I just don't know about them. I mean, I still know exactly what I want to do, but I...don't know how to make it still work. There are so many things that I don't even know how to do, or how to approach either in regards to teaching, and while I'm not having doubts about it, I'm getting anxious. It's funny though, because it never presented itself as something that I couldn't ever hack. I mean, there are some pretty big idiots that are teachers. Bigger then myself, even.

I think I'm going to start exercising soon. I've never been so unfit as I am now. I'm not tremendously terrible, but everything is getting rather...soft and squishy. It's bothering me. Everything is actually pretty fine, except for my hips, and my stomach/ab area.

I need to think of a clever pseudonym for the boy I love. Any votes? I was thinking of Napoleon.  ¶ 12:08 AM