They'll like you better if you wear pants. It has come about that no longer is it relevant how much you actually know about the world, or care about the students, but rather, whether you can estrange yourself from them completely. And if you don't do it via your clothing and sardonic condescending attitude, you will do it because you don't care about kids, since, apparently, our third year is made to weed out the aspiring teachers who do actually care about the welfare of their students, and genuinely want to be there.

I mean, I know I'm not the most stellar student in the world, but my conviction to be a damn good teacher has never waivered in the long run-- this being the only thing that hasn't in the course of almost four years. And yeah, there is something to the addage "well, if you cared that much, you'd do amazing in school", but the fact is that I am doing my damndest already.

I realized this week that I hadn't thought about any other alternatives to teaching as a life-long career either. I never saw myself as doing any different after I decided to follow this path in 2002. And after this long-haul, I all of a sudden realize it is too easy to be unsuccessful at it, for all the wrong reasons. And, given this, I have nothing to fall back on, whatsoever. I would have to start school anew, with admittedly, a fair chunk of credit in English (endeavor towards my own bachelor of useless? Perhaps) and a tiny chunk of credit in Fine Arts.

These are the things I've come up with. A paramedic. A professional photographer (ooh, the big bucks...right). A writer (HA HA HA). An artist (HA HA HA HA HA HA ...). A guidance counselor. Because really, aren't all guidance counselors just teachers who didn't make the grade and had scurvy personalities? Hmmm, now that I am actually thinking about it, I haven't got a lot of optomistic alternatives. I really like Anthropology, but it is really hard to do anything with an Anthro degree. However, I do like geology enough, that I could possibly persue that too- which would be a completely "from the ground UP" thing, as would many of these ideas.

I guess I'm not sunk yet, but I feel pretty frustrated right now. I hate this faculty. Monkeys could run it better. Yeah that's right you scurvy assfaces. MONKEYS.

Today, I have filed a complaint against my UF. And somehow I doubt that (despite the heated advocation today of doing this by several classmates and one prof) it will be recieved with any sympathy. Tomorrow, I go in and have a discussion of injustice against arguably one of the most formidable and notoriously bastardly profs in the faculty, on one count of misinformation and being an all around asshole, and another count of his TA's being incompetant, and another count of him just being a shitty prof.

The awfulness of my faculty is reaching a head, I've realized. Today I spent a fair amount of my time thinking of terrific ways to stage an uprising and a coup to remove anyone over the age of thirty from all schools and universities having anything to do with education degrees. Excluding my dominatrix of discipline, and my minor prof, of course. They rule. They alone, because they are notorious rule breakers, are the only two people in any education course that I've encountered, that have impressed me so far.

ESCHELONS BE DAMNED. TO HECK.

Jezuz H. Zeus...to think that all I wanted to do was teach kids and make some sort of difference in the world. I guess I do have to pay my dues, although I hadn't anticipated that it would be the gauntlet of ferocious old stodges doing violent things in my general direction with staples, rubrics, rulers and/or protractors.  ¶ 8:34 PM