Long distance drunk Is it a problem that one might feel more alive and in tune/connected with the world when they are lacking in sleep, and incredibly detached/apathetic when they are not?

So I've had all these experiences in my life that SHOULD make me a fantastic person at this precise moment, and somehow I feel like a hoodlum right now that everyone is doubting the capabilities of and second guessing, throwing second glances at and wrinkling noses in disappointment. Or maybe it's just me thinking that I myself am a hoodlum, when I really should be a fantastic person. After all, this was the purpose behind me living the life that I have lived, right? Whether I was aware of it or not at the time, I am definitely aware of what I am lacking right now. But to pinpoint those things that have possibly once been there and are now eroded into round dull leads ineffectual for a good drawing, is hard to do right now.

Fenton called this an introspective "fatalistic something-something." I call it the state of hanging suspended and useless in the gelatin of life, watching everything go by, unable to affect concern through movement.

"I like my neighborhood. I like my gun. Driving my little car, I am your girl and I will protect you."   ¶ 10:49 PM