"It's easier to have your mind to yourself once your friends have passed on." -Dan Have you ever sat down and tried to blog, and not had anything resembling a sentence enter your head? Blogging truly is the demise of the writer. Too much reliance on impromptu genius, and no planning! In fact, everyone is now a writer. It doesn't matter if we have blogs to chronicle bowel movents (for our own purposes hopefully, but this is questionable if it were in blog form) or to talk about our "vacation-to-Disney
-Swampland-that-was-so-much-better-than-anyone-else's-because-I-blogged-it" [1]. No, I don't have links-- that is not the point.

Admittedly though, in a time where it isn't hard to be clever because everyone's life is easily tragic in it's own little electronic progressive way, it is a little more disparaging to think to oneself "I am going to write a great piece of literature that will stand out enough that someone might publish it."

When I was younger, I had two types of things that I would write. Epically long action adventure, or somewhat contemporary philosophic stories. The epically long action adventures were like chocolate, and the (trust me btw, the made-up name of that genre sounds way cooler then what I actually wrote was) other one was a manifestation of something I felt would be meaningful--that would stick out and be meaningful to someone else. All the things I ever read that actually grabbed me, were things that I connected with, and I had a sharp retention of how authors achieved that, and that this (in my mind) must be what sells a novel.

So....in all this rambling diatribe, you can see that I am perhaps blocking myself from working any further on what I've begun with "Maiden of the Counter" because I'm hideously intimidated by the world. Plus, being cynical enough and lazy enough that it might not be worth the effort to finish it, oftentimes becomes a niggling thought.

But I'll still try! [2]

I've discovered that I have an arch nemesis in my EDPS 474 class. He was in one of my classes last year, though I don't recall which one. EDPS 310? In anycase, I've just made myself into google-bait, but lightening doesn't strike twice on the same blog, does it?

This dude, let's call him "Dood", just exacerbates me a little bit. I would say "to no end", but really, he's just making an ass of himself. Everytime I say something in the class, he's gotta follow it up with something attempting to either derail me (has not worked yet), or make me look like a jerk (possibly worked yesterday when I was in "super keener mode" on the subject of our collective thoughts only being one page). In anycase, it is actually kind of fun, because he seems like a guy who is arrogant because he thinks he's better than anyone else, and I look forward to bugging the hell out of him by proving him wrong. Constantly. Or maybe I'll invite him to be in a study group. In either case, it works out well if I aggravate him instead of him aggravating me.

In other news, I got a letter from the school I attempted my practicum at yesterday, and holy hellfire. It's quite scathing, and some of it rightfully so, but I feel pretty slandered by it. The feelings afflicting me after reading it were akin to a Suplex combo [3] , but really, I've accepted that I screwed up. Granted, I didn't need to be reminded of it in such a scathing manner, but she (my mentor) is entitled to her rage. Afterall, I didn't even send a thankyou note. Seriously, it is still bothering me, and I feel like a monster. However, it has also solidified my resolve to go back and kick some supreme ass in the next one. For the present, my only concern is to settle the matter of whether this letter is previewed by my next mentor or kept on record, because by all legal allowances, it shouldn't be allowed to do so. My withdrawal was a debacle, I admit, but I withdrew before the deadline nonetheless.

Interestingly though, the letter mentions some things I did that I was not even aware of doing, and to me, these incidences seemed a little blown out of proportion. That said, there is no denying that I was underprepared for what was required of me professionally at a time where I had the conception that my practicum was more about learning about schools than actually doing. This sounds idiotic because it was "practical experience", but at the same time, the whole concept of me "learning how to be a teacher via experiencing the environment for the first time EVER" seemed to have gotten massively lost or translated into, "be amazing on your first try, and don't make any mistakes. Don't say anything wrong either, or else your mentor teacher will quote them poorly in a wrathful letter. Especially if her mom dies, or you drop the ball on a thankyou letter."

As you can tell, I'm trying desperately not to dislike her (even if I'm still being a jerk), because I respect her a lot and she taught me a lot. I do feel stabbed though--In the back by the mime-knife of professional relationships gone sour.

[1] Uuuh...no offense.By the way, this is a pic from "Chestnut's Ice Lolly", part of the Ottawa animation Fest show that Joel, Will and I went to. He's stuck in a box advertising chestnuts that has a padlock on it.

[2]This is where y'all clap and shed a tear and bless me for being "so darn courageous!"

[3] A frightening wrestling move that John taught me.  ¶ 2:42 PM