Oh please oh please.... Found out today, that I am above water financially again, which is cool. Actually it's really cool, but only to the point that I'm actually debt-free right now. I wonder how long that lasts...

Update: The answer is that the end of my financial woes was extremely shortlived. As I was writing that, my mom phoned me and informed me she was taking it back out, because the extra I'd discovered today was actually my rebate check, that my dad had deposited. She wants it to pay off the mastercard though. Fair. I should have enough for a bus pass at least, but not a hell of a lot of much else. That pisses me off. I mean, I understand, but talk about a killjoy.

I'm so tired of constantly owing Adam money. Every month the poor boy helps me out. And that's not right. I mean, I should be able to take care of myself, and I can't seem to do that. I'm trying, with the job thing, and trying to make ends meet with that and what my parents help me out with, but it's not working out so hot. I'm very apprehensive about growing up to be financially inept like my dad's sisters.

Part of me wants to tell Adam that we should just go with seperate food purchases and meals, simply for the fact that I could be cheaper if I didn't have the guilt of feeding him crap food accompanying me. I enjoy what we have now ("the Deal") though too. There is disparity however at what "stage" of life we are at. He got to skip the "I'm a student, therefore I have to eat crap food because I have no money" stage, and I should be in that stage, and instead am in a luxurious stage of, "I have a budding career, and now I eat great", that I cannot necessarily afford on my budget. That said though, again, it's not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't know if I can keep doing it realistically.

I could quit smoking too, that would help. It would be an extra $118 a month, but which is easier to cut? Smoking or food? I'll let you guess.

Entertainment? Out.

And one more thing. I think I'm spending too much money on coffee. I hate that it's come down to this, but I'm going to have to cut that out for a while.

Fuck. Here today, I was so excited, because I thought, "maybe I can start saving. Maybe I can keep myself out of debt with Adam permanently, because I would really like that. Maybe I can get a headstart on saving money for when John comes to see me."

I'm so upset with myself right now. Like, FUCK. I'm sounding like Durran.

Anyone who throws "oh baby, we're so sympathetic-s" at me is going to get killed. I'm not in terrible shape, I'm just unhappy at my irresponsibility, and I'm unhappy that I'm complaining about it when there are other people (friends) who are in much worse shape than I am.  ¶ 10:53 PM