Wednesday, January 04, 2006
a year of heavy thought
A year in review is something I’ve always been sort of leery of writing, but I figure that this year of years is only better worked through, if expounded upon, and then left in the past, with only the things I have learned from it to follow me to twenty-o-six.
However, there have been a lot of things that have occurred this year that have admittedly been more grievous than good, but for the sake of the reader and myself, I have not forgotten that there have been many fortunate things that have happened to me also.
Probably the most difficult aspect for me occurred in April when my grandmother passed away. It was something our family had foreseen in the December preceding, but it is always hard to say goodbye to those we love, and even harder to watch them go in the agony that cancer is. And of course, there is always the aftermath of these deaths that take away a matriarch that proves to be difficult.
I learned that a need for material wealth in some runs far deeper than initially thought, and that events like these often have the effect of making one impervious to material things (though, there is also the interesting instance of clinging to things desperately out of nostalgia, which is a tough one to fathom sometimes).
Amongst other things, my extended family throughout all this, has reached an interesting and somewhat strained (but long overdue) understanding of each other. And, oddly enough, out of this understanding, we have somehow become acclimatized to the oddities that make our family what it is, as opposed to our old and comfortable facetious pretensions. It’s kind of nice I think, but still fraught with peril somehow—but even that lessens day by day.
This year for me, has also been a year of intense self-reflection, and admittedly, a fair amount of introvertedness that I am not necessarily used to. I feel like I have been around all my friends and family more than usual this year, and yet, I haven’t really been there in a lot of ways, because I’ve been too wrapped up in myself and trying to work through things I must remedy about myself, like how I think about things, events, and other people. In my mind, so much has happened in my life, and I have spent this year playing catch-up with myself.
In saying this, 2005 has been all about the private vacations. I visited my brother in BC in May, shortly after my finals and hid out there for a week or so and enjoyed the company of my brother and his fiancée. Later in September, I returned for their wedding which was a wonderfully small affair consisting of several barbeques and a really cool quad.
Another wedding occurred this summer also. An old friend of mine got married in August, and asked me to be her maid of honor (acronym MOH- Mistress of Horrorshow!). Remind me never to do that again. I learned this summer, that the most serious mistakes that we make in our lives that cause us to be unhappy later in life, are the ones that we make at this age, that we do not place enough consequence into. I think she will be happy…in another life. As it is now though, the only thing that will make her happy is to become a statistic of discontentment.
I learned that being a maid of honor is something only to be done once in a lifetime. Especially if you are single. It is a rollercoaster of torment best remedied only by a quick mickey of spiced rum on the steps of a church. Cry, shmooze, booze, and holy shit, I will never do that again.
But now, now onto the cool things… I “joined” the Raving Poets this year, and finally found an excellent outlet for poetry that would have otherwise collected dust or spammers. It is hard to put my finger on what I like the most about it, but I do enjoy an enthralled audience, admittedly. If I step down, and I have made at least one person laugh, I feel awesome. I only regret that there weren’t more of them, because I’m finding that this year has been a most [1] prolific one for poetry. Some of it good, and some of it undeniably crap.
Interestingly enough, this has also been a very lean year for me artistically. I have not done very amazing things in art land, and it kind of bums me out, but at the same time, I am relieved I didn’t have to force too much of what I did do. And the stuff that I did do this year, I’m incredibly impressed with. Except for one painting for a project, lol—it’s an abomination.
On the same note of creative endeavors, I also got to help film a movie this year, which was an incredible amount of fun. I really enjoyed it a lot, and I’m hoping to do more in the future with Will or Joel, or maybe do some on my own. I’ve also been attempting more photography this year, although my financial constraints and some dud rolls have not been overly conducive to being consistent in my efforts.
This year, I also got kicked into independence of sorts, when I moved into my first place, with fellow roommate and close friend Adam.[2] It’s actually been a lot of fun to live with him, despite our occasional difference. It’s been neat (and no doubt slightly annoying to him) to have such a good friend just down the hall, bad morning person vs. bad morning person and all…
My building has proven to be a great place to live, though I realize the opinions differ in that regard. I really enjoy it, though living quarters are tight, as I’ve gotten to know quite a lot of the residents somewhat well, after taking a job in the convenience store downstairs. I’m also going to be getting a pool key this week, which is exciting, because finally our pool is commission after its long fraudulent advertisement. So, if any of y’all want to come over for a swim, you’re more than welcome.
One of the biggest highlights of my year was finding out that the world does have one other eccentric being out there in store for me. Meeting John was completely unexpected, but as it stands now, I couldn’t imagine not knowing him. I have never had the privilege of saying that talking to someone on the phone every day for at least an hour never gets boring. There is talk of a reading week visit coming up, which is awesome.
So admittedly, there is one more crappy thing that occurred in December to me in regards to school, but I think that I have survived the emotional impasse I was at regarding…well, a complete lack of confidence in my abilities (hence private vacation number three of the year at my parents house). I think that I still have quite a bit to learn, but for trying my next practicum, I have renewing confidence that I will do quite well at it, because I have a lot of learned experiences to walk into it with now, however unfavourable the circumstances that I learned them in were.
The biggest thing that I’ve realized right now, is that in the wake of the old year, I just have to start afresh with the new. Never before has this occasion actually been as important to me as it is right now. So, I’m wiping the slate clean, as responsibly as I can, and I realize that I have to buckle down and be a better person this year. Do some growing up, and whatnot. Have some fun and whatnot. Be responsible, and do things right the first time.[3]
[1] Man, I’m watching stupid “Brother’s Grimm” right now, so I feel like my diction is just a little esoteric through the whole of this work. I apologise, especially if your eyes are falling out of your head right now.
[2] I have also decided to grow up and join the real world with my use (or rather, disuse) of first names, instead of pseudonyms. If this bothers anyone, be sure to let me know.
[2] I’ve never been good at this way of doing things, but I’ll try. ; ). ¶ 12:03 AM
A year in review is something I’ve always been sort of leery of writing, but I figure that this year of years is only better worked through, if expounded upon, and then left in the past, with only the things I have learned from it to follow me to twenty-o-six.
However, there have been a lot of things that have occurred this year that have admittedly been more grievous than good, but for the sake of the reader and myself, I have not forgotten that there have been many fortunate things that have happened to me also.
Probably the most difficult aspect for me occurred in April when my grandmother passed away. It was something our family had foreseen in the December preceding, but it is always hard to say goodbye to those we love, and even harder to watch them go in the agony that cancer is. And of course, there is always the aftermath of these deaths that take away a matriarch that proves to be difficult.
I learned that a need for material wealth in some runs far deeper than initially thought, and that events like these often have the effect of making one impervious to material things (though, there is also the interesting instance of clinging to things desperately out of nostalgia, which is a tough one to fathom sometimes).
Amongst other things, my extended family throughout all this, has reached an interesting and somewhat strained (but long overdue) understanding of each other. And, oddly enough, out of this understanding, we have somehow become acclimatized to the oddities that make our family what it is, as opposed to our old and comfortable facetious pretensions. It’s kind of nice I think, but still fraught with peril somehow—but even that lessens day by day.
This year for me, has also been a year of intense self-reflection, and admittedly, a fair amount of introvertedness that I am not necessarily used to. I feel like I have been around all my friends and family more than usual this year, and yet, I haven’t really been there in a lot of ways, because I’ve been too wrapped up in myself and trying to work through things I must remedy about myself, like how I think about things, events, and other people. In my mind, so much has happened in my life, and I have spent this year playing catch-up with myself.
In saying this, 2005 has been all about the private vacations. I visited my brother in BC in May, shortly after my finals and hid out there for a week or so and enjoyed the company of my brother and his fiancée. Later in September, I returned for their wedding which was a wonderfully small affair consisting of several barbeques and a really cool quad.
Another wedding occurred this summer also. An old friend of mine got married in August, and asked me to be her maid of honor (acronym MOH- Mistress of Horrorshow!). Remind me never to do that again. I learned this summer, that the most serious mistakes that we make in our lives that cause us to be unhappy later in life, are the ones that we make at this age, that we do not place enough consequence into. I think she will be happy…in another life. As it is now though, the only thing that will make her happy is to become a statistic of discontentment.
I learned that being a maid of honor is something only to be done once in a lifetime. Especially if you are single. It is a rollercoaster of torment best remedied only by a quick mickey of spiced rum on the steps of a church. Cry, shmooze, booze, and holy shit, I will never do that again.
But now, now onto the cool things… I “joined” the Raving Poets this year, and finally found an excellent outlet for poetry that would have otherwise collected dust or spammers. It is hard to put my finger on what I like the most about it, but I do enjoy an enthralled audience, admittedly. If I step down, and I have made at least one person laugh, I feel awesome. I only regret that there weren’t more of them, because I’m finding that this year has been a most [1] prolific one for poetry. Some of it good, and some of it undeniably crap.
Interestingly enough, this has also been a very lean year for me artistically. I have not done very amazing things in art land, and it kind of bums me out, but at the same time, I am relieved I didn’t have to force too much of what I did do. And the stuff that I did do this year, I’m incredibly impressed with. Except for one painting for a project, lol—it’s an abomination.
On the same note of creative endeavors, I also got to help film a movie this year, which was an incredible amount of fun. I really enjoyed it a lot, and I’m hoping to do more in the future with Will or Joel, or maybe do some on my own. I’ve also been attempting more photography this year, although my financial constraints and some dud rolls have not been overly conducive to being consistent in my efforts.
This year, I also got kicked into independence of sorts, when I moved into my first place, with fellow roommate and close friend Adam.[2] It’s actually been a lot of fun to live with him, despite our occasional difference. It’s been neat (and no doubt slightly annoying to him) to have such a good friend just down the hall, bad morning person vs. bad morning person and all…
My building has proven to be a great place to live, though I realize the opinions differ in that regard. I really enjoy it, though living quarters are tight, as I’ve gotten to know quite a lot of the residents somewhat well, after taking a job in the convenience store downstairs. I’m also going to be getting a pool key this week, which is exciting, because finally our pool is commission after its long fraudulent advertisement. So, if any of y’all want to come over for a swim, you’re more than welcome.
One of the biggest highlights of my year was finding out that the world does have one other eccentric being out there in store for me. Meeting John was completely unexpected, but as it stands now, I couldn’t imagine not knowing him. I have never had the privilege of saying that talking to someone on the phone every day for at least an hour never gets boring. There is talk of a reading week visit coming up, which is awesome.
So admittedly, there is one more crappy thing that occurred in December to me in regards to school, but I think that I have survived the emotional impasse I was at regarding…well, a complete lack of confidence in my abilities (hence private vacation number three of the year at my parents house). I think that I still have quite a bit to learn, but for trying my next practicum, I have renewing confidence that I will do quite well at it, because I have a lot of learned experiences to walk into it with now, however unfavourable the circumstances that I learned them in were.
The biggest thing that I’ve realized right now, is that in the wake of the old year, I just have to start afresh with the new. Never before has this occasion actually been as important to me as it is right now. So, I’m wiping the slate clean, as responsibly as I can, and I realize that I have to buckle down and be a better person this year. Do some growing up, and whatnot. Have some fun and whatnot. Be responsible, and do things right the first time.[3]
[1] Man, I’m watching stupid “Brother’s Grimm” right now, so I feel like my diction is just a little esoteric through the whole of this work. I apologise, especially if your eyes are falling out of your head right now.
[2] I have also decided to grow up and join the real world with my use (or rather, disuse) of first names, instead of pseudonyms. If this bothers anyone, be sure to let me know.
[2] I’ve never been good at this way of doing things, but I’ll try. ; ). ¶ 12:03 AM
