just because I'm lying on the ground doesn't make me sad A few things on my mind today:

My earphones are slaughtered, and the "stand-in" pair are these weird chunky cylindrical buds from the eighties. The foam fell off right away, so now using them is the equivalent of sticking spinning aluminum pop cans in one's ear.

Something I've been in loathe to tell anyone but might as well get off my chest: It's been there for a while now that one of my friendships has disintegrated into meaningless yet still casually friendly cohabitation. So there's that cat out of the bag. I used to be worried and stressed about it, but for now, I just miss him. And I hate admitting it for some reason, because maybe that makes me an over-sentimental or clingy nerd, but it's true. Things have not been the same at all, though admittedly, there are more factors there then just simply living together. I do understand that it's part of growth though, so I've given up trying to "make things better" between us. I don't want to be an annoyance anymore. Admittedly though, I still wonder if it's me that's changed, instead of him, but it's hard for me to see that, because in my own eyes, I just trundle along consistantly with control just out of grasp at all times, and drama ever-present, and that doesn't change. I wonder if I've turned lame or something though, without even knowing it.

Have not written a poem since December. The first Raving Poets night is tomorrow, and I'll go, but I'm praying for some sort of inspiration that I have not been able to find on my own. Because it's driving me crazy. I feel a little artistically stale. If I pick up a pencil and a piece of paper, nothing comes. Painting....have lots of ideas and no paint or time. TIME. I never have enough time. In good news, I've deigned to start working on my old old print transfer project while watching TV, when midterms are over. It's my spring break project, amongst others (like actually working on the book some more [2]).

For the last three weeks, my time on the weekends has been strictly sanctioned off to other people. Not unenjoyably, but I'm finding it hard to find time for myself at appropriate times. During the week isn't an option, because that's when I should be reading/studying, and I didn't do that last week, and now I'm behind and midterms start next week. I have to feed the cats for six days, starting Friday, which basically means that I have to take an hour and a half to get to St. Albert, and an hour and half to get back (if I'm lucky) every second day, starting Sunday. And study for midterms all of next week. And work whenever Vanessa decides last minute that she can't/doesn't want to. [1] Do laundry. Go grocery shopping. Go fucking insane. And on and on and on.

I think (know) my art history midterm is going to be a hard one. The ed. policies, might be a little hard, but I'm not sure. I also lost my syllabus for art H, which sucks. I have been reading the articles from the course pack, but also praying that they're in the right order (which they seem to be).

On the lighter side of things, I just finished my Ling. 205 assignment, which consisted of questions such as:

1)Demonstrate the use of the following five verbs, by writing a sentence using each. (speak, cook, fornicate...)

2) Label the category that the underlined word falls into (ie: noun, verb, pronoun)

3)Is the following sentence grammatically correct? Circle yes or no. If no, rewrite the sentence correctly. (we're talking sentences like, "I like them children."

In short, it's for 5% of our mark, and you'd have to be an idiot to not rock it. And yet, the grammar in this blog.....ahh, irony.

Lastly....I fell asleep at school today, for the first time in a long time, up in the Ed. Atrium (yeah, that's right. And it's swank too) for three hours. This was hugely significant to me, because I'm not the type of person who should sleep in public because I have a fifty-fifty chance of snoring and being awakened by giggles. However, I did not snore, but had really awful waking dreams-- like a whole reel of them falling into the category of "going to school, and finding out you're nekkid, or smell really really bad, or peeing your pants in public." To have those dreams, while actually sleeping in public, is nothing short of traumatizing. Because in my dream, I woke up nekkid on the same couch, but then I actually woke up on the same couch for real a few minutes later, fully clothed.

On that conclusionary note: Don't read Ballad either if in the process of avoiding trauma.

[1] Yes, I totally pulled this on her once, but she was the one who started it, and now she's done it twice. And she'll do it again, I'm counting on it.

[2] Is it statements like this that make me lame? Because it always sounds lame to me when I say that, but I mean that's what I want the end result of this project to be, so...?  ¶ 12:42 AM