Emergency!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
  question the meaning of not knowing the answer
I went to a presentation on racism tonight... and was startled by so much that I didn't know.

Things to think about:

What is being American/Canadian?

"There are things that you [as a white person] can do if you want, and things you don't have to do if you don't want to. Having to do things 'the white way', for a visible minority, is pretty much non-negotiable. I'm not going to trust you, if you don't ever come into my understanding, the way I am constantly in yours as a way of survival."

Words bespeak millions of things: "Your people. These people. Colored."

One thing that was interesting that came up, that to me, was obvious, was the discussion of the most harmful type of racism. The thought of neo-nazis and white supremacists come up, and one of the people in the film expressed that "yes, they bother me deeply on a personal level, but not as much as the majority of racists, who are people who don't even realize that what they are doing is wrong."
There was this guy in the film (it was actually a documented retreat to counsel against racism) who was one of the latter-- didn't realize that his mode of thinking was so incredibly insidious. He was raised by that. It got to the point in the movie, where it was incredibly hard to watch, much like an episode of Office Space a while ago, on the same subject. Because all you're thinking is, "holy hell man, just shut up. Shut the fuck up, and stop the flow of feces from your mouth." Part of what this man inadvertantly showed, is something I realized I've seen and heard countless times: that is, blaming the oppressed for their own predicament. In the film it was called "the bootstraps theory", which is pretty self-explanatory (ie: we're all human beings, and now everyone has equal opportunity...and it's up to YOU to obtain that for yourself). Basically, invalidating an experience that one has probably never known. Taking the complaints and stories of something you've never been a part of, and judging them as being not valid, because you don't understand.

It was really hard for me to sit through this. It shouldn't have been, but I honestly felt rather uncomfortable a lot, which in retrospect, I should have. If I wasn't uncomfortable, something would have been wrong with me. It was guilt, but it amazingly had a lot to do with my own inability I realized, to talk about it. The more I realized that the worst kind of racist is someone who doesn't know that they are, the more I felt inclined to clam up, by virtue of a discourse that perhaps I don't have as much access to as I thought I did. To be blunt, I didn't want to say anything incredibly stupid. I can know in my heart that I would never intend to say something terrible, but I don't trust my experience. At the same time though, I'm pretty driven to learn more about it. It should be a goal that I can talk about this, because I still dream of my rural mediation group. It's amazing though, because I already feel like I talk about it a ton, (and maybe too much?) to everyone, and yet tonight, I was speechless.

I realized that part of that stems from an upbringing where it was not easy to talk about racism at all. I always knew something was wrong (admittedly, I am still continually realizing the extent of it), but growing up my opinion was never a popular one. I've been told my thoughts are incorrect more often than in a good direction, especially when I was younger. After a while, you start to not talk about these things anymore, because it seems hopeless when you're treading water in the sea of ignorance that is rural Alberta. And you forget what it is you were trying to say, because no one likes to be told they're wrong and stupid or overly idealistic all the time. Tonight I realized that there are very few people that I can be fairly open with when talking about racism. At the same time, there is value in realizing that, to be fair, people ingest information at different times and amounts than everyone else...it doesn't mean they're headed in the wrong direction though, just because they haven't reached the level you're at yet.

There was a girl in my class who was there also (one of like three who actually showed up, despite it being a mandatory requirement--though my prof didn't even show up....) who actually did talk though, and told a story that was illustrative of my nervousness and recent problems with not knowing what to do, or how to do it. She had been running across people all week who's interac cards weren't working, and as a small act of kindness, she'd offer to cover whatever it was that the person was attempting to pay for (small sums, and incredibly generous/nice). Well, it happened again in a Safeway to an older black lady in front of her, and she automatically, without thinking, jumped in and said, "oh, I'll get that for you if you want." Didn't even think about what she was doing, and the lady got really upset ("what, do you think I'm poor because I'm black..." etc.), which is understandable I realized, because it could be seen as very patronizing.

It was a good realization to have, that it is so easy to come across as patronizing and ignorant, despite your best intentions. She didn't even think about it. I doubt I would have either at the time. I would have been like, "hey, that really sucks. Here lemme help you out." And I'm sure there have been instances (if I sat down and thought about it) where I may have been patronizing to a lot of people in the past. The cool part was, was the discussion mediator was a prof of social sciences at the Uni. and gave very good advice: Don't be patronizing. LOL. It seems simple, but it's not.

There was another girl, who had just returned from a trip with 40 other people to T-dot...she is Italian-Cree-Canadian....but as she said, "I look more Italian than Aboriginal, and it puts me in a situation where I hear a lot of hurtful things." Apparently the rest of her group had no bones about making jokes about Aboriginal people, and it really upset her. She asked the one other brown guy on the trip how he dealt with it, and he answered that "they're just jokes. I go along with them, because it gives me a sense of belonging." This girl, after the incident, was ready to drop out of school, she was so discouraged. I was completely blown away. But the support that she got from all the people in that room after sharing that story, was amazing. I of course, sat there like a useless speechless lump, and didn't know what to do, even though I got really emotional about it.

John gave me some very useful advice though, which was to "just do what you can, when you can. If you try and tackle all the racism in the world, you'll burn out (earlier echoed in a similar fashion via Joel), but if you see something racist, injust, whatever....speak up. Anything you do, would be better than walking away, or ignoring it." And it's true. It's not a lot to go on, but it's definately a start.

This is a lot to ingest. I'm going to go do dishes and jump in the tub. My feet have been wet and cold all day. The holes in my shoes have evolved from mere annoyances, to the equivalent of the opening of the Hoover Dam.

I leave you with one last thought: What does it mean to a white person to be white? Do you think about it?
 
Comments:
That would've been an amazing course to be part of. I deal with these types of racist types where I work all the time and they're not just against aborigionals but homosexuals as well. I hate racism and homophobia. I have spoken up in the past against it because my brother is aboriginal and it's hurtful to hear the crap that comes out of people. My Mum made a good point and that is that white people really are the minority in the world. Think about that. She had an experience in Japan in 1988 where people wouldn't sit by her on the train in Japan and that taught her about racism a lot I think. I also got the what are you doing with that "african american" when I went to summer school in California after the Rodney King riots. I said I was Canadian and I didn't see the difference between skin tone but loved people for who they were.
What do I think about being a white person? I think that a lot of us are blind to what's going on in the world. Canada is a very sheltered country and we don't often get that world view that other countries see. I lived in France for a year and that opened my eyes to things "not Canadian". I sure felt safe when I returned here. The Muslim extremists were bombing cars, schools, metros etc. in attempting to get Jacques Charaques to become Muslim.
The world is a twisted place and you're right about there being too many people with blinders on.

Rosemary
 
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