Monday, June 26, 2006
"Man...I forget ...what came first, the bad idea or me fallin' for it..."
The zenith of meltdown hit me yesterday. My parents anniversary party went really well, but I was too distracted to really have that good of a time, as I should have been. Get this: My parents have been married for 25 years. That's pretty incredible, and the gravity of that really hit me yesterday as I discovered the true nature of my own "relationship." Which is that it is discardable, and that I have been misled. I am a discardable person, and nothing I could possibly put into this relationship or have offered, is good enough.
I sit, I mull, I wait. I deserve better than this. ¶ 2:48 PM
I sit, I mull, I wait. I deserve better than this. ¶ 2:48 PM
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anyone who would have as a discardable person, does not deserve to have you at all.
# posted by 
: 5:45 PM
: 5:45 PM
i am not sure how to answer your post. so i will just tell you a story.
My parents celebrated their 25th anniversary this weekend. To see them now and lookingthrough all of the photos from their time toegether was overwhelming.
however the mathamatics are much more fun to contemplate..
parents:
met in nov 79
engaged: may 80
married: june 81
first child: mar 82
my mother was 21 in 81.
my father was 26 in 81.
do you think any of those 2 "knew" what they were doing?
probably they didn't.
so.
their relationship could not have been discardable because something in the middle would fall out. namely, me.
i am not suggesting that people need a child to keep them together. i was just telling an experiance in my life.
however, i do believe that a relationship simply needs 'something'. 'something' different and 'something' greater than all the other 'somethii' in the relationships that you have with your friends.
yet again, what do i know.
i am a lonely hermit.
My parents celebrated their 25th anniversary this weekend. To see them now and lookingthrough all of the photos from their time toegether was overwhelming.
however the mathamatics are much more fun to contemplate..
parents:
met in nov 79
engaged: may 80
married: june 81
first child: mar 82
my mother was 21 in 81.
my father was 26 in 81.
do you think any of those 2 "knew" what they were doing?
probably they didn't.
so.
their relationship could not have been discardable because something in the middle would fall out. namely, me.
i am not suggesting that people need a child to keep them together. i was just telling an experiance in my life.
however, i do believe that a relationship simply needs 'something'. 'something' different and 'something' greater than all the other 'somethii' in the relationships that you have with your friends.
yet again, what do i know.
i am a lonely hermit.
# posted by : 4:10 PM
: 4:10 PM
Discardable? I think not. Please do not be so hard on yourself. All these trying relationships are just a part of life.
I agree with Wil. Many do not know what they are doing when they involve themselves in a relationship. All they know is that there are these feelings/emotions, which only a select few can induce. If one is attracted to another and the feelings are returned then it is worth giving a "relationship" a go, these are the chances you take in finding "the one". And you as well as I know life is about taking risks.
Of course...this epiphany is hard to deal with because you have invested much of yourself to this relationship, and naturally one would take a negative perspective. Truth and change are hard to accept (even at the best of times). However, try looking at it as an "experience" which you can learn and gain wisdom from. Think about the greater cycles in your life, and the parallels between. I know this is a hard perspective to take, it took me a long time but I learned so much about myself. If I did not go through the experiences of my past then I would not be the person that I am today. A person, and just one among many, who thoroughly enjoys our friendship.
Chica!!! You are a rad person and and should not fault yourself for being a human. Keep Smilin' :-D.
I agree with Wil. Many do not know what they are doing when they involve themselves in a relationship. All they know is that there are these feelings/emotions, which only a select few can induce. If one is attracted to another and the feelings are returned then it is worth giving a "relationship" a go, these are the chances you take in finding "the one". And you as well as I know life is about taking risks.
Of course...this epiphany is hard to deal with because you have invested much of yourself to this relationship, and naturally one would take a negative perspective. Truth and change are hard to accept (even at the best of times). However, try looking at it as an "experience" which you can learn and gain wisdom from. Think about the greater cycles in your life, and the parallels between. I know this is a hard perspective to take, it took me a long time but I learned so much about myself. If I did not go through the experiences of my past then I would not be the person that I am today. A person, and just one among many, who thoroughly enjoys our friendship.
Chica!!! You are a rad person and and should not fault yourself for being a human. Keep Smilin' :-D.
# posted by : 10:12 PM
: 10:12 PM
j-dawg...I've been reading that comment and re-reading it a bit, and I think this morning I finally "got it". Very true. Thanks again.
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