Thursday, August 10, 2006
Use001
I have to admit....nothing has been going on of note. I dislocated my knee again on Sunday, but really have just been doing nothing but the usual sort of thing past working and hanging out with virtually no one, which is a shame, because I do have more time lately to be doing so.
The little cat and I went to the vet's office yesterday, and discovered that she's gained one pound and three ounces in the two or three weeks since the last visit. Again, her vaccinations made her a little ill and anti-social, and I fretted, but was woken up at 6 a.m. by the Hanna Monster vying for attention and obviously back to normal.
My declaration of independence against all humans with penises still sticks, although admittedly there have been attempts at boys throwing sticks in my bike spokes to throw me off. But, I remain impervious, and oddly content with the lot that my cat will keep me company until my death, whereupon there will be someone around me to devour the body before I smell up the place. I jest, in all honesty, but I've really realized that I simply do not have the patience or the time for the "relationship" entanglements right now. And, I suspect I lack the maturity, but that is neither here nor there, and developing. On the other hand though, I don't anticipate I'll be taking any 10 year old vows of celibacy. I'm not about being celibate I've realized, and certainly not above being promiscuous, although cautiously so. Being slutty is awesome.
I've realized lately that I'm really still wobbily on being consistantly mature and confident. Although, despite the temporary and short term knee crippling, I've never felt as confident and capable of anything as I do now. I feel so much more aware of the bigger picture that I seem to have denied myself for the last year or so. Growth? I think so. Leaps and bounds of it. It seems like now is the point past heavy introspection upon last year where the evaluation culminates into the end product. I'm becoming a much better end product of me for now, I've realized, though this isn't a process that ever really stops occurring in life.
Well, now that the touchy-feely junk is over with...I still cannot think of the old le boy without going "oh my god was I a fucking idiot." It's funny, because the things I did that effectively ended the relationship were completely retarded, but I wouldn't have changed the "ended the relationship" part for anything. The more I think about it now, the more I realize it was a completely unsustainable thing, unless I were to...compromise myself into someone who was happy being 100% caring for the other person, and content with not being cared for in return.
One other revelation I've had recently is, holy fuck....I am an intellectual artistic person. I need intellectual artistic stimulation. I don't need it from other people, but I need to be able to do it and feel that it is important and vital to my character, because it's part of my character. It's who I am to make messes with words and paint.
Blah blah blah. Touchy feely stuff. Bento and I followed some Wiccans around tonight, and ended up following some Maori visitors in the end, as we mistook them for the Wiccans we'd originally started following. There is a hella awesome conference going on at the Crowne Plaza right now...something along the lines of International Healing of Aboriginal peoples. I've been meeting lots of interesting travellers in the convenience store as a result, as well as Geek Palace.
News with Geek Palace....I'm putting in my two weeks notice next Wednesday I think. It's done-- jumped the shark as they say in "the biz"-- and I think that booking off time for le vacation will just be a huge hassle if I don't just quit. I can't sustain two jobs while doing the practicum anyways, so it all works out. I will miss working there though, so the quitting-letter will be worded in such a way that maybe I'll be permitted to come back eventually. Although, even with all the uncertainty of the future at this point, it doesn't actually seem that likely that I'll go back there.
I have to start planning my vacation. I know I'm going to Tofino, but in all the reading that I've done, my interest has been piqued by a little place called Bamfield, accessible by logging road and right next to another section of Pacific Rim National park and Long Beach. There's a little campsite that has on-beach sites that I'm going to look into. After talking with a co-worker at GP today I also decided I'm going to get a library card before I go and stock up on books before i go, as you can take out books for three weeks apparently, which would be perfect. Books, beach, and solitude. I have a plug in iPod charger now, which is also double my fun. I'm also bringing my dad's old camera to McB's tomorrow to get it fixed (hopefully) before my trip, because the Canon is being wonky lately. It turns out that my grandfather penned in the instruction pamphlet that the battery "has to be replaced on March 1st, 1978." Yeah, I'm going to have to get on that. No wonder the lightmeter hasn't been fucking working, and I've fucked over like three rolls of film. Plus, I have a polarizer lens on the Nikon, so if I feel the urge to take tidal pool pictures (read: still obsessed with nature after all), I'll be able to do it without having stupid tourist picture water glare. ¶ 1:20 AM
I have to admit....nothing has been going on of note. I dislocated my knee again on Sunday, but really have just been doing nothing but the usual sort of thing past working and hanging out with virtually no one, which is a shame, because I do have more time lately to be doing so.
The little cat and I went to the vet's office yesterday, and discovered that she's gained one pound and three ounces in the two or three weeks since the last visit. Again, her vaccinations made her a little ill and anti-social, and I fretted, but was woken up at 6 a.m. by the Hanna Monster vying for attention and obviously back to normal.
My declaration of independence against all humans with penises still sticks, although admittedly there have been attempts at boys throwing sticks in my bike spokes to throw me off. But, I remain impervious, and oddly content with the lot that my cat will keep me company until my death, whereupon there will be someone around me to devour the body before I smell up the place. I jest, in all honesty, but I've really realized that I simply do not have the patience or the time for the "relationship" entanglements right now. And, I suspect I lack the maturity, but that is neither here nor there, and developing. On the other hand though, I don't anticipate I'll be taking any 10 year old vows of celibacy. I'm not about being celibate I've realized, and certainly not above being promiscuous, although cautiously so. Being slutty is awesome.
I've realized lately that I'm really still wobbily on being consistantly mature and confident. Although, despite the temporary and short term knee crippling, I've never felt as confident and capable of anything as I do now. I feel so much more aware of the bigger picture that I seem to have denied myself for the last year or so. Growth? I think so. Leaps and bounds of it. It seems like now is the point past heavy introspection upon last year where the evaluation culminates into the end product. I'm becoming a much better end product of me for now, I've realized, though this isn't a process that ever really stops occurring in life.
Well, now that the touchy-feely junk is over with...I still cannot think of the old le boy without going "oh my god was I a fucking idiot." It's funny, because the things I did that effectively ended the relationship were completely retarded, but I wouldn't have changed the "ended the relationship" part for anything. The more I think about it now, the more I realize it was a completely unsustainable thing, unless I were to...compromise myself into someone who was happy being 100% caring for the other person, and content with not being cared for in return.
One other revelation I've had recently is, holy fuck....I am an intellectual artistic person. I need intellectual artistic stimulation. I don't need it from other people, but I need to be able to do it and feel that it is important and vital to my character, because it's part of my character. It's who I am to make messes with words and paint.
Blah blah blah. Touchy feely stuff. Bento and I followed some Wiccans around tonight, and ended up following some Maori visitors in the end, as we mistook them for the Wiccans we'd originally started following. There is a hella awesome conference going on at the Crowne Plaza right now...something along the lines of International Healing of Aboriginal peoples. I've been meeting lots of interesting travellers in the convenience store as a result, as well as Geek Palace.
News with Geek Palace....I'm putting in my two weeks notice next Wednesday I think. It's done-- jumped the shark as they say in "the biz"-- and I think that booking off time for le vacation will just be a huge hassle if I don't just quit. I can't sustain two jobs while doing the practicum anyways, so it all works out. I will miss working there though, so the quitting-letter will be worded in such a way that maybe I'll be permitted to come back eventually. Although, even with all the uncertainty of the future at this point, it doesn't actually seem that likely that I'll go back there.
I have to start planning my vacation. I know I'm going to Tofino, but in all the reading that I've done, my interest has been piqued by a little place called Bamfield, accessible by logging road and right next to another section of Pacific Rim National park and Long Beach. There's a little campsite that has on-beach sites that I'm going to look into. After talking with a co-worker at GP today I also decided I'm going to get a library card before I go and stock up on books before i go, as you can take out books for three weeks apparently, which would be perfect. Books, beach, and solitude. I have a plug in iPod charger now, which is also double my fun. I'm also bringing my dad's old camera to McB's tomorrow to get it fixed (hopefully) before my trip, because the Canon is being wonky lately. It turns out that my grandfather penned in the instruction pamphlet that the battery "has to be replaced on March 1st, 1978." Yeah, I'm going to have to get on that. No wonder the lightmeter hasn't been fucking working, and I've fucked over like three rolls of film. Plus, I have a polarizer lens on the Nikon, so if I feel the urge to take tidal pool pictures (read: still obsessed with nature after all), I'll be able to do it without having stupid tourist picture water glare. ¶ 1:20 AM
